Babies
Grace & Alfie: 13 Year Old Parents
Hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Especially a lovely Valentine’s day. Mine was the best ever. I did everything I said I’d do in my Valentine post, and then some.
I wrote. While my husband and kids attended a non-profit event at his alumni, Johnston Center at The University of Redlands. Greg was one of the speakers. Yes, we were apart, but proudly for a good cause, and I’m glad the kids got to be a part of it too. Enjoy the read and videos below.
My blog today, is going to focus on our kids. Our kids, having kids. In particular, two different kids from different ends of the world. One in Britain and another in Uganda, Africa. Both the same age. 13 years old. A boy, and a girl.
Alfie Patten, 13, is a dad. The first time he had sex, he got his 15year old girlfriend, Chantelle Steadman, pregnant. This boy really looks like a kid, by the way. He looks like he is 6. He and his girlfriend decided not to abort this baby because {Sic} “I thought it would be good to have a baby.”
Excuse me?
First off, I’m bothered that this kid is not outside playing football, hide and seek or video games. And having a baby because you think, oh yeah, it’d be alright to have one? Knowing fully well that he’ll have the support and assisstance of both parents (and his girlfriend’s), or the government would step in and help with diapers, food and monies?!? I mean, the parents are already living on benefits to begin with. This kid does not even understand the immensity of his situation.
In the article, Alfie does not refer to his child as his. He calls the child “it” and is totally clueless. He doesn’t know what to say or think. He is scared…as he should be. He had a choice. They both did. To not have sex - wait until much older, or to practice safe sex.
This really goes to show that we need to start talking to our kids about sex at a much younger age. Before they turn 10, with the rate they are growing and learning from their peers, the media, movies, etc.
Now, let’s travel miles to Uganda, East Africa. First off, have you heard of the documentary Invisible Children? If you haven’t, research it. Go to their website. It’s a must see. I have provided a link below. There are two parts to Invisible Children. The first one focuses on little boys, and the second, girls. The torture they endure as they are recruited (not by choice) as soldiers in rebel groups.
The story of Grace is of a young girl in Uganda, East Africa, who was kidnapped from her home and forced to be a soldier and act as a sex slave, at the tender age of 11…to a man 40 years older. A commander in the LRA, which stands for Lord’s Resistance Army. She was raped repeatedly for 3 years. Violently raped.
One fateful day, she summoned up the courage to escape. As she tried to, she was shot on the back and on the leg. Her leg was shattered, but she managed to get to a refugee camp. Upon arrival, she found out she was pregnant with the commander’s baby. At 5 months pregnant, Grace was desperately trying to starve the baby inside her. Possibly out of frustration, pain, and emotional damage. At the tender age of 13 and alone, how is she to know any better?
As if the situation wasn’t tough enough, her leg was getting worse. She couldn’t stand on it. Can you imagine carrying pregnancy weight with one leg? She had to undergo surgery. Man, watching the documentary, you see them work on her leg without anesthesia, something we are used to in the western world and sometimes take for granted. They screwed and un-screwed the pins and supports attached to her leg.
This was not all she had to endure. Her father was killed during the conflict/war. And her mother, who could have helped or provide support, got an infection in her feet that has left her unable to walk.
All this, and Grace is still grateful, so much so that she named her baby girl Opoyo Rwot (”Thank God”). She currently works as a bracelet maker for the Bracelet Campaign. Grace, a child, is now a mother. Not by choice, but by might.
To be clear, my intentions are not to bash Alfie, his parents, family or their choices. I am simply trying to compare the two worlds. What they have in common and not so much in common. A western world v. A third world country. The western world where you have choices, condoms, sex education classes, parents, teachers, mentors, and overall access to betterment. The third world where all these choices are lacking. You are barely surviving and your freedom is non existence. If Grace had access and advantage to all these privilege, do you think she’d take advantage of it? What are your thoughts on this? The state and future of our kids, our world?
I wish we can all stop for a second, and quit obsessing over ourselves. Instead, be grateful…grateful for this moment. Talk to your kids. Volunteer your time somewhere. Dare to make a difference. There are so many in need…but so many of us to help…please, do your part to help.
By the way, if you are in the Los Angeles area, a dear friend’s non-profit is throwing a huge film screening and after party for Invisible Children at Cinespace in Hollywood on February 20th. Click on this link to join the guest list.
REVEAL: A Multimedia Nightlife Experience
Friday February 20th, 2009 at 8:30 p.m. (Doors at 7:30 p.m.)
CineSpace, Hollywood, CA
Also, stop by the Invisible Children’s website and purchase a bracelet. Your money will go a long, long way and be put to good use. Every dollar counts. Continue to spread the word.
Credits:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece
http://store.invisiblechildren.com/review/product/list/id/82/
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Tags: Africa, Alfie Patten, Anena Grace, babies having babies, baby rape, Birth Control, Chantelle Steadman, Child rape, CineSpace, East Africa, folake kuye, Grace, Green Grace Bracelet, Invisible Children, Johnston School, Kids with kids, Lord's Resistance Army, LRA, Philantro Productions, rape, Redlands, Reveal, SA, safe sex, sex education, South Africa, The Sun, The Sun News, Uganda, Uganda Crisis, wrap it up, young parents 
I think that it was brave of Grace to have learnt to love the child even though her circumstances could have influenced her to hate that child (after all the father did to her. It is a remarkable story. As for teaching children about sex education early, I couldn’t agree more. No one could understand the immense responsibility of caring for a child, until you have one (don’t have one, but I did a research and hang out with my mother friends). It demands emotionally, financially, physically. It’s important that this knowledge is shared by parents who have children to other children, and parents to their children. Waiting for the right time and acting responsibly is the right thing to do, I believe. . .
This worries and concerns me, really,.. Where do these children leave their childhood? At what point do they make the choice, or have it thrust upon them which changes the course of their lives? And what’s to become of them? When I saw the news story of Grace & Alfie, I said to myself; how does he ever recover from this?
I believe we all expereince a ‘defining moment’ in our lives, hopefully we pray that that of our children comes at a point in their lives when they’re secure, happy, confident and prepared - even eager for that which will change their lives. But Alfie? Imagine him in 35 years, for the sake of extreme positivity, imagine he’s picked up his life, moved from the council estate where he lives, gone to school, obtained a good degree, worked really hard and with the support of his family, made something of a life for himself. Then he decides he wants to become Prime Minister. Hey! No dreams are supposed to be out of our reach after all! In that moment does he get dragged back to that ‘defining moment’ when he became a father at 13? Won’t he always be remembered as ‘that boy who had the baby at 13?’ Isn’t it all over?
Why don’t they have dreams which will propel them through life and influence every decision which comes their way? I never judge, I don’t live anybody’s life but my own, but why didn’t the parents inflate them with hope?, I dispair at wasted lives, young and old.
My son says my expectations of him are far too high - and he’s right. I can’t help it! I know his potential more than he does, and I’ll never stop reminding my children him that the sky’s the limit.
I’m thrilled that Grace found the strength to deal with her trials, and I rejoice! At the same time this makes me more sad than I can really find the words to explain.
No!!!!!too sad. Yeah, em 13 yr olds have not business having sex……..I feel for the Ugandan girl and I am very proud of to her to stil have it in her heart to be grateful despite the fact she was practically raped…..
@ Anwuli- Many thanks for stopping by. Yes, raising a child is the most demanding and fragile job there is. And Grace? She is a trooper, for lack of a better word.
@ Debbie- Can you imagine? As I was reading the story, like you, all I could think of was my 11yr old. Imagining him being sexually active, or being a father in a couple of years. What??? It is truly sad. And for some reason, I actually don’t think it will deter him from achieving Prime Minister status someday. Especially if he changes his life around now. If anything, when he does get there, they may make a story out of him. “Golden child” who made bad choices/mistake at a tender age, but regrouped, blah, blah. You know how these people are. Lol. I could be wrong, though. You raised a really valid point.
@ Adanma- Yup, sad..to say the least. Big ups to Grace.
Another organization to check out is ChildVoice International. We work in northern Uganda with these child mothers, teaching them how to love and care for their children. Our students are 14-22 years old and have 1-3 children each. Our oldest child is eight. Please visit our website and to read some of the stories of our students in our past newsletters, and learn how you can make a difference in the lives of these women and children. http://www.childvoiceintl.org
FKH, your comment made me smile. It’s comforting to know he COULD have a happy ending! Like you, I really tend to personalize these things, I want to make it all better for them - mother them all.