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Should Women Pay Child Support If They Don’t Have Custody?

I say yes! What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If you are not the one raising the child(ren), then yes, you should help financially. You should be just as responsible as the man, especially if you have a career/job. Not saying that if you don’t have a job, you should not be liable either. Just because you are a woman does not mean you are not obligated. The same way I think if a woman holds the higher paying job in a marriage, and that relationship ends, the woman should be obligated to pay alimony. It works the other way around, so why shouldn’t it work when the roles are reversed?

Personally, I don’t think you should wait till the court orders you or gets involved before realizing that you have to contribute to the upbringing of your own child. It’s common sense. Besides, if women are always stressing and fighting for equality, then it should apply here as well.

Granted there are tons of deadbeat dads out there, but I also think there are vengeful women out there who try to get a man for everything he has just because the relationship didn’t workout. These type of women screw things up for the women that actually need the necessary support for the upbringing of the kid(s). For heaven sake, there are women that actually quit their day job(s) and solely live on a child support income, or ask for the “dad” to support them for the rest of their lives. Perfect example, 50cent and his “baby mama”, TI and his “baby mama”, athletes, and a host of other celebs and non-celebs that I’m reserving mention of.

I respect any man who would step up to the plate and raise their child(ren). However, on the flip side, I also understand that there are some men who only step up, and act like they are involved in their child’s life because the court is involved. They pretend that they want to 50/50 the responsibilities just so they’d avoid paying child support, or paying a lesser amount. It is all so twisted. And I always feel bad for the kid(s) involved.

Do women really get preferential treatment from the court when the tables are turned around? In some cases, yes. And I also think it depends on the judge. For the most part, they use their discretion. Think of the women who have kids with 3 or more men and actually have all the dads pay child support. There are women out there, who have all these kids because they don’t want to work a day in their life. I am not talking down on women, I am raising this issue because a reader asked for my thoughts and I am stating. I’m simply being honest.

Now, should a woman be imprisoned for not paying child support or owing backed up support? No. Not if they have other kids to take care of at home, or if the child was taken from her against her will.

May be in the end, men need to be more involved in the child(ren) lives. In other to change societal views on them in this particular situation. More women are left with the responsibilities of taking care of the kids than men are. It’s tough enough that women go through the entire 10 months of carrying the baby, and let’s not forget the labor pains. The majority are struggling to raise these kids themselves with no help from the man. Some have to work odd jobs or 2 or more jobs to make ends meet.

Bottom line is: if we want things to be equal, well, they should be equal.

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Discussion

17 comments for “Should Women Pay Child Support If They Don’t Have Custody?”

  1. My understanding is that in the majority of cases where the child is not with the mother, this has come about due maybe to her inability to raise the child, not her choice. sometimes due to drug-related issues, mental problems (maybe the child’s a product of rape), mental or physical cruelty or even severe poverty. In this case, can child support be expected or demanded? I guess it could, but would it? And should it?

    I’m thinking woman who bears a child through those trying 10 months after making a conscious decision to have it, wouldn’t be naturally inclined to negate responsibility, would she?

    I’m not a man-hater, but isn’t that more often the prerogative of the guys? We call it the ;’Wham bam -thank you m’am’ syndrome! In such cases, he should bear at least the finincial responsibility if he isn’t carrying any of the emotional. I could be wrong but isn’t that largely why the law was enforced in the first place?

    Strickly speaking, can the tables can’t be turned? I can’t imagine a woman would leave her child and go - just because. The point you made that;’…not…if the child was taken against their will…’ carries alot of weight in my mind. Am I making any sense?

    Posted by Debbie | February 18, 2009, 12:50 pm
  2. Hello Debbie, I’m not sure I follow your point, but I will comment/respond as best as I understood. If there is inability for a woman/man to take of their child(ren), the government steps in. Like in the case of rape, mental/physical disorder, severe poverty, etc. Of course, the court determines this. My point was that if both parents are sane, hold a job/career, or do not have any reason not to hold a job (some sort of disability or situations we previously mentioned), then yes, they absolutely ought to pay child support. Absolutely! (If both parents cannot come to a decision on what to contribute in raising the kid(s) themselves) Then, the court should step in and determine that for them, as both parents should be responsible.

    And you’d be surprised at the percentage of women who like you stated go through 10 trying months of carrying a baby, and in the end, want nothing do with the child or can’t care for the child. They basically give up all responsibilities.

    Like I said, in comparison to men, these women are a lower percentage. Though, there may be stats to prove otherwise. I’m mainly speaking on societal views.

    Posted by Folake Kuye Huntoon | February 18, 2009, 11:05 pm
  3. I’m a man who is so fed up with the current bias court system towards men,i keep hearing men run from there responsibility as if fathers and aren’t there to support there kids but i have yet anyone say they went into court and the judge automatically decided to give the father the child since he is responsible for raising the child and order the mother to pay child support, the courts always take the position that because a women carries the child she is the sole proprietor (WHICH MEAN SHE GETS TO KEEP THE CHILD AND USE IT A CONTROL ITEM) until it comes to financing of the child, now how is it that, i have a right to pay but i dont have a right to custody, not even 50/50/custody,because it seems to me if women and men pay in child support equally to a case worker or a court appointed mediator so that its a equal participation and accountability in which funds could be accounted for and distributed for the well being of the children in question and it will equally administer the financial responsibility of both parents in the raising of the kids,and the parents can split the time with the kids if given this option i think most men would find it fair.

    Posted by Michael | February 20, 2009, 3:36 am
  4. Michael, thank you for your comment. I may not be in the position to understand your frustration, but I hear you and commend you for taking care of yours. Unfortunately, like I stated in my post, some men & women have ruined the system for the ones that ’step up.’ It’s truly sad! Believe me, there are tons of cases where the father is awarded custody of the kid(s) and the mother is ordered to pay child support. Many! A woman carrying the child in the womb is definitely not the determining factor of custody..that’s why the court asks for tons of paperwork, etc. Usually, it’s was best & stable for the upbringing of the kid(s) involved. Men are entitled to custody too, however if you want it split, you should ask and fight for it. Cases where 50/50 custody is not granted to both parents, occur when there are any kind of abuse, or the father does not live in a stable environment, or 50/50 wasn’t requested by the defendant. Women loose their kids everyday, but you hear more of men because a man can/may impregnate 2 or 3 women at the same time. Thus fathering lots of kids. This is common than not.

    Posted by Folake Kuye Huntoon | February 21, 2009, 5:40 am
  5. Unfortunately, all too often the men that do win custody of their children are the men who have been abusive towards their wives and children, because they’re not afraid to use underhanded tactics to get custody and use the children as a way to further abuse the women they were with. This is the case in my divorce. My ex-husband was abusive and used the children against me, and is now turning them against me little by little. I have another child with my new husband, who is one year old and I just went to court with my ex where the judge determined that because of a typo in the divorce decree, I have to start paying child support a year earlier than I would have if it had been done right. That automatically put me 3 months behind when I was prepared to start paying at the end of this year. I don’t have a job, and it’s frustrating to say the least, because he’s not afraid to lie, cheat or do anything he can to keep the kids from me, but the judge inevitably believes him, because he seems so sincere. In other words, some judges are more biased toward women than men.

    Posted by Elaine | March 11, 2009, 1:57 am
  6. I ask my wife for a divorce a year and a half ago.
    In March of 08 she moved out of the house with my daughter.
    Not having a job or anyway shape or from of an income.
    She expects me to pay it all, I never ask her to move.
    All I wanted her to do was to stop the drugs and drinking.
    After she moved, she let my daughter drink, smoke, smoke pot.
    She let kids come over and drink. She also let her date a sex offender.
    She received a DWI in Dec. of 08 . She went to Detox for a week
    To get off vicodin, I think it worked. She still drinks will never stop.
    I have tried every legal way possible to get my daughter, and finally
    I get custody of my sixteen-year-old daughter. What hell I went through then .

    My question is should she have to pay support to me , she never worked ,
    She will not work. She moved out leaving me all the bills and expects me to pay
    All her bills also. Not only has she ruined her life but she tried to do the same to our daughter.

    Posted by T | April 12, 2009, 1:26 am
  7. Whomever is the custodial parent deserves support from the non-custodial parent. Period.

    Posted by maria | May 3, 2009, 4:05 am
  8. it think women should not have to pay child support if they dont have custody especially with a boys im not saying we shouldnt give money to children i mean they are legally right to both parent but i also feel as a man you should be financilly more able then most african american women because most men do have jobs the women should buy school supplies visist sometimes give money and clothes as they get the money but if u dont have it then and there your not supposed give give if thats the case why shouldnt the women have custody when the judge gives custody to tht other person they should be able to financially assist that child with or without the help of the other parent or guardian so basically women should do things here and there butu not exactly every month should you well us as women pay because with the low odds of young african american women finish school and getting a degree is not so good so that makes it hard from time to time and as men they have choices they have their sports war but what women would want to do tht so this is my question

    why should you think women should have to support after reading this though they shall give her and there

    Posted by jasmyn | August 2, 2009, 7:10 pm
  9. In reference to Jasmyn, I believe women should be just as accountable as men. Women want their equals right in this world and I believe they should have them. You should be just as responsible as a male to pay support if you are not the custodal parent. If you look at it from the reverse side, if man doesn’t have or cannot find a job, the court still makes him pay. They assign him a wage based off his last job income and earning potential and if he cannot make payments, he eventually can go to jail. I expect no less from a woman. Your an adult, you should be working anyway even if you are a woman.

    To those that say if the woman lost her child this way or that, the same still applies. You need to pay support. Its about supporting your CHILD! I pay my support and quite frankly, I have had my child used numerous times against me to just hurt me and my family. Used as a pawn in my ex’s sick little game. I am currently seeking custody and will eventually get it. Just because my ex is a nut case, doesn’t mean I will agree to her not paying support to my child. People need to grow up and realize the games they play with both visitation, custody, and child support need to end. This ultimately only hurts the child.

    Posted by Jon | October 16, 2009, 9:55 am
  10. My Ex-Wife originally had custody of our kids for about 6 months, She went off the deep end. Drugs and alcohol. When the situation got out of control I had to step in and take my kids. Mind you I paid her the entire time they were with her even though there was no court order to pay child support.

    I have had custody for almost 5 years now. I never wanted a dime from her and she didn’t offer.She got sober and married another guy and had another baby. I know I will never get child support from her. Her income for the next 18 years will be zero. She gets to scam off and not take responsibility. That Sucks. She does see our kids regularly(Christmas, Spring, and Summer Breaks) So it’s not like she is not involved in their lives. Just the unfairness of it all stinks. I have had to be super-dad at home. Super-employee at work. And balance both of those as not to look like I am slack do to family commitments and give my kids all the attention they need. (they were 3 and 5 when they came to live with me) My son has autism and that wasn’t easy either. All the neurologist and therapy appointments. I did all this by myself.My family live 3000 miles away. Hers lived down the road. But I am constantly worried we will get in front of a judge that sees a DAD with custody as an affront to his beliefs and off they go. I hate it. I feel like a friggen hostage. Woo thanks for letting me vent I feel much better.

    Posted by Dave | November 6, 2009, 2:56 pm
  11. Dave,

    You can come here and vent anytime you want. I totally commend you for everything, including your strength. My prayers are with you and your family..especially your son.

    Posted by Folake Kuye Huntoon | November 8, 2009, 8:23 am
  12. HELL YES WOMEN SHOULD PAY…
    GRRRRR Elaine that’s bull sh*t.. and what percent is (all too often) 1%? 2%?…I have custody of my oldest from one mom and the other kidnapped my youngest from me the week I was going to take my boy to Disney ..with my family!!!So a yr and a half earlier we opted out of the friend of the court and went with equal custody. But soon as we couldn’t be together anymore she changes her mind. So lie on a PPO make up big stores ..Heck the woman’s resource here tells these girls what to do to get custody! This women lib stuff is gettthening out of hand there isnt shit for the man nothing to help him get his kids from a freek! Now its my job to fight all these lies..Im starting on the negative at the get go,you know how hard it is to fight lies?? so she pulls a ppo and set me up with a little help from her friends. So now I get to go to jail for 3.5 months, plus neither of my sons get to see me the next 93 days. I have to put everyone out they have to change there schedual all becouse a mother want to say where her kids go to school. Or (control) I get out of jail and still for the next 6 months my youngest still doesn’t get to see me for over a yr and my family for over a yr.my oldest son was devastated! he was with his Lil bro everyday since the day he was born, and now My oldest boys mom is having her own problems, here one day gone for months..well another story I don’t get child support because I have a hard time keeping track of her my self. Im tired of fighting..Now She goes to the state claims she has the two kids so she can live on food stamps.isn’t this great!!Grrr she has had no overnights in two yrs now! I think I should be getting the food stamps. The friend of the court wont do anything but they did for my youngest when they found out i didnt have any overnights because she was keeping my son from ME. I’m tired of fighting so so tired..Now i know for a fact that women don’t go to jail for not obeying the law. 50-75% of the time they don’t do time! that just crap ..So Elaine where is your stats on these men who get custody? THIS IS HOW I SEE IT should go when fighting for equal time! UNLESS SOMEONE HAS A SEVERE DRUG ADDITION AND PROVEN! BOTH PARENTS SCRWED EACH OTHER TO HAVE A CHILD,THEN BOTH PARENTS SHOULD GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE THE CHILDREN EQUAL TIME AND THENIF AND WHEN ONE OF THE PARENTS CANT HANDLE IT, THEN FINE LET ONE PARENT GET FULL CUSTODY. BUT FULL CUSTODY IS CHILD ABUSE AS FAR AS I’M CONCERENED. SO LET THE COURTS DECIEDE WHO GET WHAT TIME AND WHEN,BUT WITH REAL PROOF NOT WHAT SOME DUMB B******* DECIDES TO STATE ON A FRICKEN PPO OR ANY OTHER COURT DOCUMENT WHAT SHE SAYS HAPPEN. WERE SUPPOSED TO BE NOT GUILTY UNTILL PROVEN GUILTY. THE PROBLEM WITH THIS IS THE COURTS WOULD RUN OUT OF MONEY TO RUN THE FRIEND OF THE COURT. KEEP THE GOVERMENT OUT OF PEOPLES LIVES..
    80% OF FATHERS DON’T HAVE A CHANCE AT THE GET GO TO GET THERE EQUAL TIME…NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY SOME MEN SAY OK THERE IS NO CHANCE AND LEAVE. IF SHE DOESN’T WANT TO GET AN ABORTION AND YOU A MAN DOES WHAT THEN. IF SHE WANT’S TO KEEP IT THEN SHE SHOULD A MAN DOESNT HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE UNLESS HE HAS A MIN OF 10 THOUSAND DOLLARS TO FIGHT! AND JUST TO GET WEEKEND NOW THIS IS CHILD ABUSE PERIOD..ITS ABOUT THE CHILDREN AND ITS NOT!!!!!!
    EXPLANE THIS HOW COME I HAVE ONE SON FULL TIME BUT I CANT HAVE MY OTHER EVEN EQUAL TIME??? WHAT SHE DID TO MY TWO BOYS IS TRULY CHILD ABUSE. BEFORE I WENT TO JAIL THE DAM JUDGE LOOKED AT BOTH MOMS AND ASK IF THEY COULD MAKE SURE THE BOYS STAY CONNECTED! WELL MY OLDEST BOYS MOM TRIED CALLING HER TWICE AND THEN THE LAST TIME SHE CALLED MY YOUNGEST BOYS MOM ANSWERED AND SAID( SORRY TO MUCH TIME HAS PASSED…) NOW WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN.
    I WANT MY KIDS FULL TIME

    Posted by Brian c Spinniken | March 14, 2010, 9:39 pm
  13. I am a mom who shares time with dad 50/50. However, I pay him child support ($600/mo.)and all of my childs expenses, including child care. I support my son 100%. I am very involved and would love my son 100% of the time. Still he takes me back to court for more money and the court system doesn’t favor me because I’m the “mom.” I am a single mom and have another child to raise on my own… I am strapped every month. My ex has remarried and is making more than me with their income combined but I cannot use that in court. I still have to pay him more every time we go back to court. It’s sad because I feel like I am being punished for having a decent job and supporting myself.

    Posted by Carrie | May 4, 2010, 1:32 pm
  14. This is a true story. I lost custody of my children to my ex-husband in 2000. He lied in Court against me. Yes I had a few small issues with my mental personality but it was never a problem for 16yrs I was an attentive and caring mother involved in my childrens life and schooling. Taking care of their everyday needs. This all ended when I no longer wanted to stay in my marriage due to my ex-husbands Marijuana smoking habit. He told the courts that I had threatend to stab him with a knife. Bang I lost custody of my children and the right to see them. My son 16 and two daughters aged 9 and 5.The years without them were shear hell. My 9 year old and I were reunited when she was 15 and a half. She had been out of school for nearly two years running a muck had seen everything you hope to protect your children from. Very angry and difficult to care for. Its was a nightmare. Now she is nineteen and we are closer and she is maturing into a different person. Which is great. But that still leaves her younger sister in the care of their father. Who has done nothing in all these years to make their lives something every little girl should have the opportunity to be in. I basically pay maintenace to a man who spends the money on himself and has not done one thing to discipline, supervise and encourage a young girls to do something and learn something beneficial for themselves. My youngest is now 16yrs old and has not attended one full year of Secondary school. Goes out all the time with whoever whenever and is not even home from one day to the next and has been doing this since she was 12 years old. Yet I still have to pay Child Support and she isn’t even being cared for. So instead of just suffering the loss of custoday years ago I still suffer, having to pay Child Support to a selfish evil man who has not benefited my daughters welfare in anyway. I’m not well off I manage. One rule I told myself was that I had to keep going so that I could be someone my children would want to know one day. He has turned them into nobodies. Lucky my Son was much older than the girls and managed to get a traineeship and a good job.How many men are out there taking womens money and not seeing to the basic needs of a child.

    Posted by Karin Lehmann | May 23, 2010, 8:23 am
  15. Comment to Dave. I understand what you are going through, although I’m the other gender going through it. In the midst of a divorce now. He’s still paying for our basic needs(I’ve been home for 12 years) and I too have an autistic son and 2 other children. My family also is a long way away and his lives in this area, yet I’m doing this on my own(looking for work, fixing a home he left in disrepair, caring for the children, appts., etc and all while having to listen to him telling me I’m doing nothing because I’m not earning a paycheck yet in addition to everything else). He sees, by his own choice, the children very irregularly(he lives with his new girlfriend less then a mile away). In the end, it’s infuriating to watch a parent’s irresponsibility from any angle. I watch the emotional dropping of the ball and it makes me so very sad and I’m overwhelmed by everything I have to do. I just feel for you and others going through this. I don’t know about you(and others) but I’m the one who gets the constant barbs and scrutiny too from the other party. I’m tired of it. My heart aches for my kids. I try to get him to see them and he’s got excuses as to why: he has to work more(although when he sees them he throws money at them left and right so I’m not buying he’s so hard up), he doesn’t have the space over there(although when I visit my new beau, the kids do perfectly fine for a weekend in the same size place), etc. All excuses to dodge the real emotional meat and potatoes of being a father:-(

    Posted by Karen | June 10, 2010, 9:59 pm
  16. My ex, ordered to help support her children,by a court of law,has seldom made a support payment and is now over 5,000.00 behind. Her step-father is a sherriff,she lives with at 33 years old. She has two more kids both by different fathers. I called the prosecutor because I was told she was to have a warrent issued on Nov.1st.now it is Nov. 4th he told me that he had spoke to her and she had had surgery(hystorectomy4months ago)so he was giving her until Nov.28th He told me that he did not want her to lose her job so he extended the time… He spoke to me as if I were the one being prosecuted and was defending her. Mind you the court order says she is to pick up and drop the kids off at my house, I have brought the kids to her for three years now.She doesn’t bake them cakes on their birthdays, buy them gifts for christmas. She doesn’t even call them throughout the two week periods to which I have the kids until she sees them again. Well now I’m tired of sugar coating everything for her. I was arrested before for owing less than 3,000.00.Is the system still not recognizing that this day and age mothers are “dead beats” too.

    Posted by ron | November 4, 2010, 10:36 am
  17. I think whomever does not have custody of the children, should YES be obligated to pay support to the parent that is raising the child. In our situation, we did not have custody of my step sons for 12 years, and paid an enormous amount of money for support, and still had to supply clothing and food, and a bedroom when they were with us. So we were paying for HER to pay for their stuff at her house, and had to pay for their stuff at our house as well. Now, the children have decided to live with us full time, and have now for about 8 months. We get NO support financially, emotionally, physically from their mother, and are now paying for EVERYTHING. So how did she get away with her part of the responsibilities for 12 years when I had to work 3 jobs to cover our bills because all of my husband’s income was going to his ex…and now she doesn’t have to pay a penny? I don’t understand the system. She hasn’t worked in almost 13 years, and has had plastic surgeries, leaving her kids in need of braces and eyeglasses, but she now doesn’t have to do anything…again. The system is completely messed up in my opinion!!!

    Posted by D | November 23, 2010, 11:27 am

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