Babies
Your Ticking Clock! Tick, Tock, Tick!
So tired of that phrase “your biological clock is ticking!” When doesn’t it tick? It ticks 24/7..as long as you are alive. I’m sick of women getting these. We all have ticking clocks. Both men and women.
But women get this more when it comes to child bearing, however, men have biological clocks too, and it’s ticking as I write. As a matter of fact, as men get older, they face an increased risk of fathering children with abnormalities.
In any case, the minute a woman is seen with a guy, they are asked “so when is the big day?” God forbid you are around your married friends - because they are married, they turn to you to ask you when you are getting hitched too, or try to give you this corny speech/advice about you settling down and why you should. Oh, and forget it if they have kids, then they either suggest that you are next, or ask (with pressure), “So are you guys having kids? When are are you having kids?”
I noticed that as we are getting older, and we hang out around people or friends in our age group, this sort of topic never fails to come up. Is it that people just automatically expect you to walk their walk and talk their talk?
Can we all start understanding that everyone’s path in life is different? And what works for you does not work for the next? Can we start to understand that relationships are not the easiest to come by, and while some may be lucky to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, others have to go through and survive terrible heartaches and relationships?
There are also married/unmarried ones who are in a committed union, but are experiencing child bearing difficulties and don’t necessarily want to discuss it because it is indeed a private matter. Or those that have decided that bringing a baby into this world is certainly not for them, which could either stem from past issues or the fact that they know darn well that they may suck at this thing called parenthood. I have mega respect for these people because I would rather you not bring a child into this world, than bring them in and have no care for them.
Truly, the fact is, these days, you can get pregnant up until the age of 50. Of course, it’s not always medically advisable, but it’s possible. Pay a visit to Los Angeles, and you’ll see beautiful moms just having kids at the age of 40 and over. After all, when it comes to fertility, it is the age of the egg, not the age of the woman that matters most. My point is, it’s not too late for those that long for it. Don’t pay attention to peer pressure or settle for a man just because. Take your time and find the right person who will love you and your kids.
And people, stop pressuring your dear friends or loved ones. Stop bringing it up at family gatherings, get-togethers, etc. just because you have nothing else to talk about, you envy their single status, their union without kids, you are miserable in your relationship, or you are trying to recruit someone else to join the bandwagon. It’s not cool, it scares your friends, and it could be embarrassing. If you are happy in your marriage and it works for you, great! Enjoy it! Concentrate on it.
Don’t ask me why I’m appointing myself as an advocate, but I am.
Friday is here again, so enjoy your short n fab weekend! *Smiles*
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I totally related to this. Been married for about 18mths and its like everyday people find creative ways of asking me if I’m pregnant, when am I going to start?when is the baby shower? I heard you were preggers? etc..
I do want to have kids but the timing isn’t right - but really why do I have to explain this to folks - why can’t people just mind their beeswax? like seriously …..albeit i’m beginning to feel urge to have just 1 quickly so they would leave me alone …….also being from an African heritage doesn’t help matters…ARRRGGGHHHHH
Until about 5 years into my marriage, I didn’t think I wanted kids, then things changed and I did. It’s all so internal and personal. Everyone had an opinion, I mean everyone. Really though, where does the boundary lie in the decision ‘to have kids or not to have kids, and If to have kids - when?’ cannot be a personal one? How invasive should people be allowed to be? If we’re talking ‘biological clock’, who sets it? Isn’t it adjustable, can’t it run late? HELLOOOO! Why do they think they know better than me/you?
My wisest aunt once told me, ‘people will do what they want to you and say what they want about you, often, when you don’t agree with something put to you, you can choose;
a) to resist it with words,justify upset yourself, argue back, get defensive, or
b)smile sweetly, say hmmm, really… and let it all wash over you, without giving it your energy. Afterwards you can do exactly as YOU wish because really it’s no-one else’s ‘beeswax’.
This is one of those liberties people will continue to take regardless, so I think finding a coping mechanism’s the answer. That was, and actually still is mine - and guess what, it works!
Ticking forward or backwards?– the Curious Case of Benjamin Button
@ Jo- I hear you. That’s hilarious! People are never going to stop asking, so pls, don’t have one just to satisfy them. Have one when you & hubby are ready. You two are the only ones in the marriage.
@ Debbie- Wow, you enjoyed your husband for 5yrs before having kids? That’s impressive. I agree with your aunt. We live in a very invasive world, where people think they can suggest their own little “2cents” whether you ask or not. Usually when you don’t ask! Folks need to learn, though.
@ Bolaji- Someone’s got jokes, eh? Clown!
On the serious tip…there is a biological clock for giving birth at least. themarriage part…is not as dire as people make it seem. I mean the longer a woman waits to give birth , the more likely she will have complications …..
Folake, it’s nice that you blogged about this. As a single girl, I don TIRE for the questions: so when are you getting married? When will we come & carry your own child? when will we wear asoebi for you? When will we drink your wine? Is he going to marry you?
AAAAARRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!
LOL. Stop with the questions already. Of course, they’re our Naija folks. Hehehe
Vera, yup, Naija folks. Lol. Gotta love ‘em. Just keep ignoring the questions, or maybe tell one off. That should stop the rest
hey guys, i believe people are asking because they care especially caring family and friends. maybe they shouldn’t ask you everyday but i believe its away of showing concern. it diffrent if i ask you and you tell me oh we are planing on having kids latter or you are having problems getting married then i will respect you and live it alone