My Family
The DMV Heart Attack
Man, I dread going to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles). I don’t know why, but the workers have instilled a great deal of fear in me. They crucify you for just about anything; God forbid you don’t have your papers in order. My driver’s license expired November 12 of last year, and I didn’t realize it until my family & I decided to make a trip back home to see my extended family. At the airport security line, I was detained. Extra searched. It was so severe that it scared my little one and she started to cry. Wondering why these strange people were touching her mom all over.
Why the search? My license had been expired for a month. Just one month!
I missed the deadline of being able to renew my license via postal mail. I like to say I never received the letter. So I had to deal with going to DMV. My biggest problem is not the endless line when you get there. My dilemma is the actual workers. They are so rude. When they are behind that God forsaken desk of theirs, they feel so empowered. So on top of the world. They specialize in giving you a hard time. Sometimes, asking you questions or documents you don’t need, just because.
In any case, the dread continued to mount, of course, as time passed. So it hit me and I decided to get online and make an appointment, instead of going there to stand in line for hours. I didn’t know what to expect. Not sure if I would have to take a written or driving test all over again.
I hate being tested!
They could’ve very well say I needed to be tested (and I won’t fault them). After all, I had recently totaled a car, though it wasn’t my fault. Had my pictures taken running a red light, got in another accident (I promise, it was not my fault this time too), I’d changed my address, and I was involved in a speeding chase with an officer that had been following for about 4 miles.
He had his siren on, was talking to me through his megaphone and I still didn’t pull over. You know why? My Indian music was on blast. Lol. The weather was nice, it’s freaking Los Angeles, I was feeling good, and I was speeding away. My God, it was like a scene from a movie. Better yet, an episode of “cops” where you have the helicopter shining its bright lights on your car? Yes, that.
Eventually, the officer got my attention and I pulled over, turned off my music and started crying before he approached my car. I was embarrassed!!! Everyone was staring at me. With my crying and trembling voice I said, “I’m not a bad a**, I swear.” The first thing he said was, “are you drunk? What the hell is wrong with you?” He said he had been following me and asking me to pull over. I apologized profusely. He gave me a ticket. The rest of the day, I had chills. Scared behind the wheel.
So, on our way to DMV, Greg was poking fun. He was like “what if you have to take a test?” I said I was just going to tell them that I have had a very difficult pregnancy, I have been sick and I’m not suited to take a test. Then I thought to myself, that’s even more reason why I should be tested or not be behind the wheel. Shoot! That’s not going to fly. I got there, I was the nicest I had ever been in my life, but none of the workers even cracked a smile. As a matter of fact, I had one tell me to stop chewing gum. Eh? Another told the gentleman behind me to turn off his phone. Where are we? The library? Urrghhh!
Since I made an appointment, my number was called in less than 20mins. I approached the lady and my heart was beating so fast, she could hear it. She sensed my fear. But immediately, I engaged her in a conversation. Started to talk about the recession, my pregnancy, anything. Anything to divert her attention from her computer, so she wouldn’t see that I had to take a test - just in case I had to. Whether or not it was my miraculous powers, I don’t care, but I like to believe that it worked and I DIDN’T have to take a TEST!
Greg stood and peeped his head from the crowd, anxiously trying to find out if I do or don’t. If he had to call his office to let them know he’d be spending the day at DMV because truly, I would have had to take that test over and over and over again to pass.
Good news! No test. Got a new license coming in the mail. Phew! Can’t believe I only spent 20 mins at the DMV. That’s a record. Due to my big belly, I rolled out of there so fast (instead of walking), didn’t want the worker to snap out of being hypnotized by my “powers” and say something like, “oh, ma’am, it says here that you have to take a written test.”
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Nice one sista. Ibadan Girl power. Talking about being powerful behind the desk…Compare notes with anyone who has gone thru NYSC in Nigeria and you will agree that ordeal was indeed nothing! How’s the family? My love to all. Take care and enjoy to time with Mama, sis Funmi and Gbemi. Love you loads.
Indian music….nice:) love Indian music as well….
I was at the DMV on Birthday and the lady was so rude …I had to stop and remind her that it’s her choice to be so rude. She does not need to be so stinky at work.
Happiness is a decision , but for some reason DMV workers appear to be very stressed….
Now that they have to work a day less, man…..
Wow! Great story! I felt I was with you all the way. Especially the police chase! Only is America, lol!
S’funny, when you’re at the mercy of beauracracy, (misspelt I know) you jusy have to pray for good old fashioned ‘niceness’. My mum always said ‘ be nice’ when she saw me getting stressed. I wish sometimes I could say it to others.
Also interesting how similar people are once in uniform, regardless of the country we live in. I don’t need to tell you about Nigeria do I? Uniform most often corrupts. Some of us get to wear it as kids in school, and it all seems to go downhill from there. ‘Dehumanise’ is the word I’m looking for.
It seems pregnancy brings out the best in others. In women, because either they’ve been there, are going there, or just get it! In men becasue it gives them the ultimate feeling of ‘let me protect and nurture this child-bearing vessel! Whatever works, it’s great when it gets the job done with minimum stress, cos who needs stress, right?
@ Asiyah- Ibadan girl power representing for real! Always! What is it with folks in uniform? Anyway, always good to read from you. Love u.
@ Adanma- Yes, my collection of Indian music is never-ending! Man, I don’t get it with the DMV workers. What could possibly be upsetting to them every single day? It never fails. I think the “work a day less” made the situation worse. I brought it up with the lady, and you should have seen how pissed she was loosing a day’s worth pay. I changed the topic immediately. Lord!
@ Debbie- Thank you, darl. The chase is funny now when I tell the story. It wasn’t funny then. Lol. I refused to drive for a while. I know, I know in re people in uniform. I’m thinking about designing a uniform for myself. With a badge that reads “I AM THE LAW.” So I can feel empowered and f**k with people for the heck of it!? Trust me, I’m sure it’s worse in Nigeria. I can only imagine. Oh well.
BTW, your pregnancy statement is true. I had one of the male workers yell to me (from across the room), “ma’am, whatever you do, please don’t have the baby right now. Hold it till you get home because you look like you are about to pop, and my heart won’t be able to take it.” Okay?!?!?!
Good job on being friendly, although avoiding a test isn’t random. Its usually every 10 years.