Babies
The Man With Many Wives
I am still trying to wrap my head around the idea of a man claiming or insisting that he loves all his wives. Equally. But I just don’t see how that’s possible. I also can’t phantom why a woman would want to share her husband, instead of being the “apple of his eye.”
What makes it OK to have more than one wife? Religion? I guess that makes sin/sinning OK, since Adam & Eve ate the apple from the tree. NO! Polygamy, to me, seems like another way for men to be superior. To be controlling. In my opinion, polygamy is selfishness.
In most cases, having several wives under one roof rarely works out. It promotes hate, envy, bickering, and malice, amongst other things, while the husband sits back and have them settle their differences. The wives are forced to deal and live with it. How does this benefit the kids? Growing up in such a hostile environment?
I wonder if the women know going into the marriage that their husbands will end up seeking to marry more wives, or they find out after the fact. Regardless, it can’t be jolly news to the ears. I’m assuming that some women stick it out because they want to stay married, because the husband is their provider, because they are inlove, because of the kids, or due to the fact that they think they have no choice…perhaps because of religious or cultural beliefs.
It is a rather disturbing and provoking thought.
What makes a man seek for the comfort of another woman besides his wife? Doesn’t it become a chore to (sexually) satisfy all women? I feel like I could hear the male readers going, rhythmically, “Nooooooooo”. Did I just set myself up with that question?
Frankly ladies, can you imagine not going to bed with the man you love whenever you wish? Not having the choice to choose what night you want to cuddle and sleep with your husband? Better yet, dealing with listening to him and the other wife, as they get intimate in the room next to yours? WTF? I don’t care how religious or cultured you are. That can’t be pleasant or easy to deal with.
Now if the tables were turned, and women were allowed to marry more than one husband; how will this pan out? Personally, I think a man’s level of envy in terms of infidelity is far greater and stronger than a woman’s. Men are unforgiving when it comes to matter of the heart, while women are more tender-hearted and inclined to give second chances.
God bless these wives. Especially the first wives. I’m sure they feel cheated, intimidated, jealous, and misplaced. Or do they? Because I’m sure the more wives brought in, I’m guessing the younger they are. Which makes me wonder if amongst the wives, the first wife has the ultimate say in decision-making, has the upper hand, and over-sees the rest of the wives. Or is it the “baby” wife that rules?
In relation to modern day, modern women, would you allow your husband another wife? Even if your religion and culture permits. Would you stay in such relationship? If so, why?
Photo Credits:
“Say No To Polygamy” ABC News, http://www.abc.net.au
“Big Love pic” http://www.smh.com.au/…/2008/08/22/1219262513587.html
“African Pic” http://village.africanpath.com/
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Ah, the “P” word. I exorcised my demons on this issue in 2007 and the fallout was ‘helele’.
As someone who comes from a family where polygamy was practiced, I can say clearly without hesitation, I do not encourage polygamy and want it discouraged. Now, I understand that muslims will have a problem with that stance, but I can’t help but have my opinion. I have heard that the system works in some families, but I am yet to witness that, so…
Anyway, how are you doing? Take care of you and your fam, ok?
In some parts of India multiple husbands are legally allowed. It’s called ‘Polygeny’. NO REALLY - I looked it up!
@ SD- I think it’s great that you and have tackled similar topics. Twice! Great minds. If I had known that you had/have first-hand experience with polygamy, I would have interviewed you before writing this post *smiles.” Like you, I can’t help but have my opinion. It is what it is! Love to the fam.
@ Debbie- Man, we learn new things everyday. Really? In India? That’s one country I’d least expect it.
i will never be part of a polygamy. i don’t think it ok for a young woman to be forced into it. but here in nigeria alot of women love it because the man is wealthy or she is a widow so she will say it works for her. to each is own. it’s always children that suffer when the dynamics of a family is not correct.we need to put our children first
oh yeah alot of these relationships is not based on love. it based on religon, money, comfort, community, family etc.everything but pure love
Being a Muslim I am from a polygamous family of two wives and fourteen kids. Ours is a very peaceful one because my dad make sure we all stays together and live as one. But I won’t tell you it has been a rosy one. But we can’t complain,whatever disagreement the wives has between each other has been long forgotten.
And you know during their days, they are not lucky in choosing men for their selves. Their parent give their hands to marriage to anyone they like or benefit from.
My mum is the youngest wives and she used to tell us what she has been through while she was still new in the house and very young too.(She got married at the age of 18yrs and she is almost 60yrs now) And all what the eldest wife made her pass through.
But the foundation of the relationship amongst the wives and which has been impacted towards the children has been built a very long time ago when they both let go of the rivalry. And that’s before the kids start growing up.
Now in my house you can hardly pick out which child is from which mother. We all bounded together so much.
But personally is not a thing I will ever venture into. Sometimes I wonder if I can marry a muslim who might decided one day to marry another wife after me.
I can’t imagine sharing my husband’s “watchamacallit” and heart with any body…right after the vow…it became ALL MINE and I’ll make sure it remains that way till death do us part…God helping me…otherwise…head(s) may roll o…lol…I kid…I kid not…I kid!!!
funny how i stumbled onto this.i am in a relationship with a wonderful man whose religion allows him many wives. i am torn. i truly love him but dont know if i have the stomach to be ok with this. he says i would be the first wife but that doesnt make me feel any better. i dont know what to do. i believe i finally found the love of my life. he treats me perfect but at what cost?
well I am married and have ONE (1) beautiful amazing wife! I honestly think any man that wants more than ONE……well….is NUTS! Sorry Ladies no offense