Babies
Is A Baby A Reason To Get Married?
The question I got in my inbox today! Now, how do you answer that? I’m assuming the reader just wants to hear my opinion on this - knowing fully well that I am no expert, right? Or as always, they’d like to hear the majority’s opinion. That’s YOU, the readers.
The last thing I want to do is judge anyone for making certain decisions due to circumstances they find themselves in.
That being said, here are my thoughts. Having a baby with your partner is NOT a reason to get married. I feel for the poor innocent baby. Such pressure on him/her. Whatever happened to love, eh? Love and mutual respect for one another are substantial reasons to get married. There may be a couple of factors in there that may make it OK. For instance, you’ve been a couple for quite sometime or you are currently engaged. Love should be the foundation of producing babies, no? Otherwise, the child is going to end up suffering for this.
If you love each other first, and marriage was discussed prior to, sure, you might as well go ahead and seal the deal. But I don’t think you should make it about the baby/pregnancy. That’s a lot of pressure put on everyone involved. Did I already say that? Oh, thought I should reiterate. Bringing a baby into this world is a joyous moment, at the same token, it does places a strain on some relationships. Financially and emotionally, so if you don’t have a solid relationship to withhold the strains, it could cause havoc, and possibly show you that you married for the wrong reasons.
I actually think this should be the other way around. Marriage should be a reason to get pregnant. Start a family.
Now, I agree that not everyone has to adhere to the traditional views of society. Being legally married on paper does not guarantee the success of any relationship. You can choose to do things your way, have kids and not get married at all. As a matter of fact, I have seen those kind of relationships last longer that traditional ones.
It’s OK to stay together if you found out that you’re pregnant, have the baby, wait to see how things go (while you two are raising the child together), and decide if the love is still there and enough to hold a marriage. Ask yourself this. Would you have gotten married if you weren’t pregnant? Did you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person?
You know one thing I learned early on in relationships? It may sound corny, but I have always done this and it usually works for me, so it doesn’t hurt to give it a shot. On a piece of paper, write down 10 things you DON’T like about this person: 10 nuances/flaws/dislikes/habits. When you’re done, go through the list with the notion that this person you are about to marry will never change these things about themselves (afterall, you can’t change a person, right?) put a check mark next to things you can deal with, and x mark next to the ones you can’t see yourself dealing with. If the check mark out numbers the x, there’s your decision, and vice versa.
This is my own little 2 cents. Hope it helps.
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Tags: is a baby a reason to get married, is pregnancy a reason to get married, List of spousal flaws, love, marry for love, marrying for the wrong reasons, reasons to get married, societal views on marriage, strains in relationships, tensions in relationships, traditional marriage, traditional views on marriage 
Honestly? I don’t think I would have married if I hadn’t been pregnant at the time. Not yet anyway. Fear, for me was a motivating factor. I had a very conservative, strict upbringing and the idea of being an unwed mother was frightening to me. This is my truth. Judge it however you want to, I have come to terms with it. What I will say, based on experience and some valuable life-lessons, is that any action taking from a motivation of fear cannot be the right choice - because it isn’t a choice - it’s clouded decision. I avoid those at all costs. My welcome message when I swith on my cellphone - Fear? Who Cares?
i dont think a baby should be the reason to get married ……marriage is not just coming together for two individual there is more to it than people think it is nowadays…………………a baby needs a home a baby needs the parents but getting married because of that should not be a good reason there is more it…….
I agree
this has been the latest tred amogs peoples getting married around me, i must confess sha!
Sadly, i somehow feel that these ladies /girls re intetioally getting pregers.
I am not judging anyone o… I just do’t think being pregnat is enough reason. Heck! even Loing someone is not enough reaso to be getting married.
ok, i’m sorry but i have to re-type.. all dem typo’s…Jeez!
This has been the latest trend amongst people getting married around me, i must confess sha!
i feel these ladies are getting preggers intentionally. I am not Judging anyone but i just do not think that being pregnant is enough reason to be getting married. HEck! Even Love is not enough reason.
Oops, should have said good post! Waiting on your next post!
Ladies we’re saying pecisely the same thing -just differently. FKH this is a no-brainer, beign pregnnant is never a good reason to get married, I should know cos I did it. As for girls who get preggers to catch a man, they should know that a man caught is never a man kept, duh!
On a toallly different note, how are you? Everytime yu go quiet for 2 mins I think’she’s gone into labour!
@ Debbie - Like I said, I can’t judge anyone’s choice because we find ourselves in circumstance beyond our control at times. However, I don’t agree with the notion. I’d rather be a single mom than marry someone I don’t love, or not in love with.
@ Adeyinka- Right!
@ Funmie- Thank you for stopping by. The fact that it’s a “trend” creates a huge problem. Hopefully, this post and comments is useful to the reader that raised the issue.
@Debbie- Man, a bit quiet because I’m on strict bed rest and the fam is getting ready for the new arrival in a few days. Wish I can tell you how I feel right now. You know how the last couple of days are…
Definately not. I want babies, am actually craving them like crazy but i dont want to marry just for that reason. it takes a whole lot to get a marriage working and babies are just one of thousand reasons. just not enough to cut it.