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Does Berlitz Translate the Language of Parents?

Over the course of the last three or four years, my language has drastically changed, often times to the point where it feels like I speak a completely different tongue. I’m not one who has ever really believed in the idea of “bad words”, but once you’re a parent, it’s quickly clear that you don’t want your kids dropping the f-bomb or telling the mailman that he’s a d*ck. That’s funny, yes…but now I understand the language follies of being single quite a bit more.

When my kids are old enough to make the choice, and be responsible for the consequences of colorful language, well, then I’ll have little to say. Until then, I don’t need my kids swearing like the lil’ guy in Role Models (by the way, if you haven’t seen this movie, I highly recommend it).

Once my son hit like seven years old, I had to change my language in the house, because he had seen an episode of Cosby Show or some family-ish program where the parents had to pay into a jar for every time they cursed. And quickly I started to adopt all of those wonderful substitute phrases we use in the stead of the more expressive language we’d rather…

So, this post is meant to be a lightning rod for those phrases and words, and to serve as a bit of a dictionary for parents. Please, feel free to add whatever you’d like in the comments, and I’ll update this periodically. Let’s just have fun with this…when submitting phrases/words, think about whether you’d be okay with your kids using the phrase.

Singleish Parentish Example
Shit = Sugar Oh, that’s just a load of sugar!
Dick = Duck What a duck!
Asshole = A-hole What an A-hole! (I don’t like this one as much, because it’s an obvious abbreviation.)
Bastard = Bastille Day Just an exclamation: “Bastille Day!”
Jesus = Cheese Grass Oh, Cheese Grass, you’ve gotta be kidding me.
Jesus Christ = Hey Zeus Christo Hey, Zeus Christo! (gotta emphasize the “Hey” to throw ‘em off)
F*ck = Fudge Exclamation: “Fudge!”
Shut the f*ck up = Shut the front door

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4 comments for “Does Berlitz Translate the Language of Parents?”

  1. Generally we don’t cuss at all…but when something does happen we usually abbreviate it like you would in an IM conversation. The mose common one we use around the house is F-F-S (pronounced as individual letters) which represents “For F*cks Sake”

    Posted by Shane | July 15, 2009, 2:02 pm
  2. honey…like, i love you) for this article . i was speaking to my partner about this yesterday!!!!!!!be well sweetness:)

    Posted by Ada Mara Nma | July 22, 2009, 7:04 am
  3. and um’ danny and I have to spell bad words as to not alert aidan of what we are saying.

    Posted by Ada Mara Nma | July 22, 2009, 7:04 am
  4. I think my favorite one is cheese grass. LOL. Funny, now that I’m typing it, I don’t even remember what it’s supposed to be a replacement for.

    Lemme go check…

    Oh, yeah! The name of my Lord. LOL! Funny.

    Posted by Vera Ezimora | October 26, 2009, 12:31 pm

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