Over the course of the last three or four years, my language has drastically changed, often times to the point where it feels like I speak a completely different tongue. I’m not one who has ever really believed in the idea of “bad words”, but once you’re a parent, it’s quickly clear that you don’t want your kids dropping the f-bomb or telling the mailman that he’s a d*ck. That’s funny, yes…but now I understand the language follies of being single quite a bit more.
When my kids are old enough to make the choice, and be responsible for the consequences of colorful language, well, then I’ll have little to say. Until then, I don’t need my kids swearing like the lil’ guy in Role Models (by the way, if you haven’t seen this movie, I highly recommend it).
Once my son hit like seven years old, I had to change my language in the house, because he had seen an episode of Cosby Show or some family-ish program where the parents had to pay into a jar for every time they cursed. And quickly I started to adopt all of those wonderful substitute phrases we use in the stead of the more expressive language we’d rather…
So, this post is meant to be a lightning rod for those phrases and words, and to serve as a bit of a dictionary for parents. Please, feel free to add whatever you’d like in the comments, and I’ll update this periodically. Let’s just have fun with this…when submitting phrases/words, think about whether you’d be okay with your kids using the phrase.
|Shit||=||Sugar||Oh, that’s just a load of sugar!|
|Dick||=||Duck||What a duck!|
|Asshole||=||A-hole||What an A-hole! (I don’t like this one as much, because it’s an obvious abbreviation.)|
|Bastard||=||Bastille Day||Just an exclamation: “Bastille Day!”|
|Jesus||=||Cheese Grass||Oh, Cheese Grass, you’ve gotta be kidding me.|
|Jesus Christ||=||Hey Zeus Christo||Hey, Zeus Christo! (gotta emphasize the “Hey” to throw ‘em off)|
|Shut the f*ck up||=||…||Shut the front door|