We were watching a documentary on Turkey, the country. Our little man turned to us (his parents). “Why is it called turkey?” Before we could respond…he says, “Is it because there are a lot of turkeys there?” *crickets* Seriously, what do you say to that? Both my husband and I were dying on the inside, but just sat straight faced.

My husband managed, “Well, that’s just what it’s named. It’s just the way it is.”

Hahahahahaha…gotta love the kids and their brains! Have a fantastic weekend, lovers!

My exercise regimen started on Sunday, the 24th of May. Though, I have been watching my diet and completely cut out certain things as stated here, I cheated a couple of times. Lol. I had rice. It’s OK. As long as I don’t over do/eat.

So here goes it;

Day 1

I power walked/ran on the treadmill for 30 mins. Burned 450 calories. Since I haven’t exercised in months (duration of the pregnancy), I have to ease myself in. Same goes for starters - if this is your first time working out, or if you have not done so in ages. It felt good to be back on the treadmill again. What I don’t like about the first time, however, is the fact that my body itches. I dread it..it’s so distracting. That’s why I couldn’t do much, but it’s quite alright. It means I’m listening to my body, and so should you.

Meal: I had a huge cup of coffee for breakfast. I’m not a breakfast type of gal. Lunch, my mama’s oatmeal. Dinner, Greg’s salad w/low-fat Newman’s Honey Dijon dressing (Greg’s salad is a huge plate of lettuce, chicken/salmon, corn, Roma tomatoes, herbed fresh feta, and a bit of salt and pepper).

Day 2

I ran for 35 mins. Burned 550 calories. Again, easing my way into my 60 mins run - Which usually burns 1200 calories for me. It depends on how fast you run. I like to run fast. I love to sweat. Besides, running slow aka jogging makes me tired. I did weights and floor exercises for 20 mins.

Meal: Breakfast, a cup of coffee. Lunch, baked salmon and vegetables. Mid-day snack, 1 low cal rice cake. Dinner, 1 piece of baked chicken and a side of G’s salad.

Day 3

I ran and power walked for 43 mins. Burned 650 calories. For 35 mins, I did weights and floor exercises.

Meal: Breakfast, Lipton tea and an apple. Lunch, 1 piece of baked chicken with vegetables. Mid-day snack, 1 low cal rice cake. Dinner, Oatmeal.

I have lost 3 lbs since I started on Sunday. 21lbs to go.

How many of us will do this? Raise your hand….

A big thank you to Dr. Jay Goldberg who delivered Ameenah (and Zurhi, too). Thank you to the team at Cedars Sinai Medical Center. What a fantastic hospital and workers.

Now that I got all of my shoutouts out of the way, I’d like to share my exit with you all. It’s nothing sophisticated - lol.

Here is the conversation that took place…

Nurse: “So, congratulations again and see you next time, right?”

Greg & I: Oh, for sure! Absolutely! We’ll be back with #4…hehehe.”

Nurse: “Alright, mom your wheelchair is right outside the door.”

Me: “Wheelchair? I’m rolling outta here in a wheelchair…oh noooooo. I’m OK! Trust me, I’m OK to walk.”

Nurse: “No ma’am. Sorry, it’s the hospital protocol. Don’t your remember from the last time?”

Me: “No!”

Greg: “Don’t worry, honey, the paparazzis are not outside yet.”

Me: “They are not???” Dumbfounded.

Greg: “No hon, we didn’t call them yet.”

Me: “Shoot! Well, you never know. To be safe, I’ll put on my big glasses, hold on to my fancy bag and still go ahead and exit in style.”

Nurse: “Uhm…maam, No. You need to carry the baby on your lap.”

Me: “I do? Shoot! So, who carries my bag?”

Aunt Em: “I will take it.”

All of this drama to find out that we were parked in a gated, roofed, secured, valet parking lot, and didn’t run into a soul. Not even patients or visitors. Lol. No one noticed us. We exited quietly, and with no hassle. If you haven’t noticed, I’m a drama queen!

Stay fab, lovelies.

Well, the madness didn’t stop there. A lot of moms actually took it personal and apparently kept sending tweets to express their anger. Can folks seriously relax?

“@JoelMadden as a mother, thats pretty uncool. if she does it to another kid, or if another kid does it to her and makes her bleed…”

“@JoelMadden how you gonna feel?”

“@J0di well jodi, teach your kid to bite and then we will have to see….”

“@JoelMadden my daughter is 20, lets go…. first one to bitch loses.”

Joel finally left it at this:

“For all the moms who r givin me shit about the harlow biting thing, i hope she bites your kid at school. RELAX.”

Then @j0di now claimed that she was joking with this response..

“@JoelMadden I wasn’t being a bitch about it, hope u know I was half joking, but us moms have been thru it before, its a pain to deal with”

I personally thought it was funny. Joel’s jokes are somewhat witty on twitter, and when you are limited to 140 characters to update your status, you kinda have to be creative, or write in codes. So, I’m sure there was more to the whole teaching Harlow how to bite incident, but he couldn’t go into details.

And even if that isn’t the case, who’s business is it? It’s his daughter, it’s his girl, why are people getting upset? I’m confused. It’s all in good fun and I just wish that people will stop taking themselves too seriously. It seems like everyone feels the need to speak up these days and let their voice be heard.

What do you moms and dads think? Is Joel in the wrong? Is there a need for him to be crucified here?

“In the new issue of Us Weekly (on newsstands Wednesday), five people close to the situation - including two relatives of the other woman - confirm that Jon & Kate Plus 8 dad Jon Gosselin, 32, has been having an affair with third grade school teacher Deanna Hummel.

The most explosive blow-by-blow details are revealed by Deanna’s older brother - and roommate - Jason, who tells Us Weekly that he is speaking out now to set the record straight and to protect his naive sister.”

“At the Hummel house, Jason says Deanna and Jon would “pretty much stay locked away like two teenagers. It was weird. He’s a grown man. He also adds, “A lot of the time, it was pretty, um, gross listening to her, you know, um — how do I say this? The walls are thin. Let’s just say that. I mean, no one wants to hear his sister having sex, let alone with a married dude who’s, like, almost twice her age and who has eight kids and a maybe-crazy wife. Ick. Nast.”

03/25/09 FOLLOW UP UPDATE:

If you watched the season finale of “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” you’d notice that it still leaves viewers wondering about the infidelity rumors. Granted, it addressed the fact that they are having problems, and Jon having issues about being in the spotlight *blank stare.* This is coming a little too late…don’t ya think? The show is going on its 5th season. Which means he has been in the spotlight for the last 4years.

After they’ve banked dollars, gained exposure, and received numerous gifts, he is now having a problem with the spotlight? Please!

They admitted to being in an “odd place” right now in their union, but what does that mean? This statement only fuels the infidelity rumors. It does not eradicate it. It is obvious that they are having marital problems, which is truly sad. I can’t begin to fathom what life would be like for Kate if he leaves her with 8 kids. And 6 of them are toddlers…

Makes me wonder why Jon went to stay at his mother’s house in one of the episodes. He was gone for a while and Kate was left to cater for the kids herself. They did say he went to assist his mom, who broke her foot, but come on? Who leaves his wife and 8 kids for that long to cater to his mom that is only suffering from a broken foot? Sorry, mother.

Something tells me it has to do with my previous post.

Jon had this to say at the end of the interview, “I’m glad the show is popular, but it’s hard being on this side of the camera - and then trying to live your life. We don’t have privacy at all. When I go out, people photograph me. It’s tough for me. I can’t just be Jon; I have to be ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8,’ which is a really hard thing for me. I’m still coming to grips with that.”

Sigh! Life must be so rough, Jon. The fame is so intruding that the solution to that is sticking your tongue down a college girl’s throat, eh? Got it! Like I said before, I like Jon, loved him on the show. But no excuses for infidelity. Especially not the lame excuses about fame.

I really wish them well and hope that they can some how resolve this amicably. It doesn’t look like they are on the same page as far as the fame and fortune. Kate is enjoying it, including the perks, but Jon? Not so much..supposedly. Why did you sign up for it then? Or better yet, why not terminate the contract?

As Jon left it…”And there’s the conflict.” Kate is “very happy,” he is not.

I wish them the best!

Was she referring to Skid Row or anywhere the homeless gathered as “the district of public failure”? Because some of these people didn’t choose to be homeless. Condition subjected them there - conditions such as: unemployment, high rent and the extreme cost of living, runaway teens, drug addicts, alcoholism, to mention a few; therefore, we can’t knock them collectively.

I remember when I first moved to California. I thought, how ironic that California housed the richest people in the entertainment industry, and also seem to have the highest population of homeless. I was shocked to see that this is a huge problem in every major city in California: Hollywood, San Francisco, Venice, Ventura, Santa Monica, and San Diego to name some of the cities. They are everywhere. I have never seen anything like that before. Believe it or not, California is the homeless capital of America.

Coming from the East Coast, you only see them in certain cities/places. You’d seriously have to drive a distance to come across them. Not saying that the percentage is not high on the East Coast, but wondering if the government provides enough shelters to accommodate them, so they don’t have to be on the street. And if that’s the case, why California, one of the richest states, is not on board with this? Did it get out of hand? The demand for shelters and programs to assist them far exceeded the amount of homeless in each city?

Seriously, what are they doing to help? Where are the celebrities to the rescue? I feel like they, the celebrities, that is, are quick to jumping into assisting televised and publicized non-profits. So the masses can give them a pat on the back and they can be recognized for doing “charity” work or helping other Countries, yet, right under their nose, is a person like them that tried to “make it” in the industry, but luck was not on his/her side, or the stress of keeping up with the constant increase in mortgage or rent, the recession, whatever it is..little attention or effort is paid.

In my opinion, I think a lot of churches and non-celebrity non-profit groups, regular working citizens, do more work in helping and assisting the homeless groups.

If anything, most of these rich cities, like Beverly Hills and the like, put a lot of money into fighting against the homeless (who can’t fight back), making sure that laws are enacted to keep them away. Can we put these monies into good use? You know, like building more shelters? Programs that will reform and not add to the problem that already exists?

For me, what is making this more aghast, is the number of babies and kids you see on the streets. Poor innocent babies who didn’t ask to be brought into this, but are in it due to the factors I mentioned above. And even if their parents are fighting hard to get them out of that situation, the truth of the matter is that it is extremely difficult to recover from being homeless (if they want to).

How do you begin to recover? How do you get a job if you don’t have the proper attire for an interview, you don’t have the money to look presentable, money for transportation, access to a phone or computer, and all those little things that we don’t pay attention to. (Sidenote: read up on what Google has done with their GrandCentral service in San Francisco about this.)

Even if you do find a job, and you are on the track of getting a roof on your head, now you have to come up with the first month’s rent, the last month’s rent and security deposit. Let’s not forget about credit checks. Most give up during the process and just go back to living in the streets, shelters or their cars.

Besides, shelters can only do so much. Shelters, to my understanding, only allow for temporarily living. You can’t make it your permanent home. That being said, what sort of programs do they have at shelters to help get these people back on their feet?

The current recession has made it far worse. More and more people loosing their jobs, and ending up in the streets. My husband recently saw a lady standing on the side of the road just outside Beverly Hills with a sign reading: “Ex-Studio Exec, now homeless. Please help.”

Crime rate is way high and everyone is fighting and doing whatever to survive. Yet, the rich are getting richer. You can’t ignore reading the tabloids and seeing one celebrity or the other buying a new $10million mansion, a convertible Bentley, or simply spending money lavishly. Do we all see anything wrong with this picture? I’m not here to tell anyone how to spend their money, however, I am going to end with this:

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine that you were homeless and sleeping in the streets when it’s negative 5degress outside, or it’s pouring rain, or it’s 110 degrees hot. You have nothing to eat, nothing to drink. You have no way of survival. You are dying slowly. You have health problems. You live in fear of someone attacking you or raping you. Even further, you are living with your child(ren) in the street. You are watching your child die of hunger, dying of thirst, waste away slowly. Or God forbid, someone rapes or attacks your child. Would you want someone to come to your aid? If your answer is yes, then I suppose you have something to think about.

We are so quick to give our compassion for areas of the world ravaged by extreme poverty and hunger, or by catastrophic devastation (read: Niger, Kenya, or Thailand in the wake of the Tsunami). But what do we do for our countrymen? Wherever you live or call home, shouldn’t the help start from there? Our brothers and sisters living in desperation, unclear of how they are going to survive the day and night. They require our attention. They need our love and compassion as well.

Stay blessed!

I am going to be as real as it gets on this post. And it’s either you take it, or leave it. If you can’t bear to handle the truth, don’t care to read, then please, click and surf away. As always, if my post can help just one person (as I know it does from my inbox messages), then my work is worthwhile.

I am in no way, in an abusive relationship. I am blessed with a beautiful man and lovely kids, however, I am going to include myself in this post. I will talk generally as a woman addressing all women in this situation, as I am in no way better, bigger, smarter, stronger or brighter than anyone of you. And most importantly, I am fighting for a cause.

That being said, I am amazed at how often women stay in an abusive relationship, why we don’t walk away the first time, or why we make excuses…convincing ourselves that being in a violent relationship is OK and will get better with time.

How does an argument between two people, that claim to love or to be in love with one another, quickly wind up in violence? How do you look at your girlfriend, wife, mother of your child(ren) and punch her in the face, beat her mercilessly, call her names, and then want/try to be intimate with her again and again? How is that possible? What sort of satisfaction can you possibly get from physically, verbally, mentally or emotionally abusing your loved one, this person you supposedly cherish?

This is yet another way for men to establish control over their spouse. By trying to create power through fear and intimidation.

Think about how many violent relationships result in murder. Either the man beats his wife/partner until she takes her last breath or the victim snaps one day and kills the man. Either way, relationships of this sort never end well. Why can’t we walk away or seek help? Why do we keep going back (if we leave) to this kind of relationship?

Is there a deeper biological behavior at the root? Is it low self-esteem? Is it fear? Is it because the man tells us that no-one else wants us and we’ll never find love outside him? Is it fear of being a single mom? Is it what your culture promotes? Is it growing up in an abusive household, as women tend to date/marry their father’s kind!?

What? We can surely do better!

In my opinion, this is a serious case of co-dependent behavior.

This is very similar to being addicted to drugs in a way. You know it’s bad for you, yet it gives you this temporary high. This roller-coaster feeling. There are good times, and there are bad times. We know deep down inside that we should never succumb to a man hitting or hurting us. We break up, move out, he comes back begging (knowing fully well that he has you wrapped around his pinky) and we go back to him. Thinking, this time, he’ll change. The relationship will be better. But it gets worse because the ugly truth is domestic abuse escalates over time.

We won’t actually change until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change. It is the fear of the unknown and the pain of change that are our greatest enemies and most formidable obstacles.

It is so hard for women to reach out. It is such a huge step. Some women view it as shameful. We end up with a black eye, bruises, cuts, and broken bones yet again. Scars all over our bodies. We make one excuse after another like “I fell off the stairs”, “I just want to make my marriage work”, “The kids need their father”, “I got bit by the dog”, etc.

Women, c’mon!

We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and in most cases, it’s about tapping into that inner strength of ours and finding the courage to move on. But until we do, the cycle will continue to repeat itself. It will never change.

This brings me to the case of Chris Brown and Rihanna. Reading one blog to another, some men made comments like “she was too envious and possessive,” etc. And? She deserved to be beaten because of that? Now, they are back together, and there are talks about them making music together, and possibly getting married. How disturbing is this? What kind of message is this sending to the younger generation of men and women that look up to these two stars? Why couldn’t she seek help, counseling and speak up on the incident, letting her fans know that violence is never to be reckoned with?

Oprah Winfrey put out a statement via video stating that she’d be dedicating an entire show next week to “domestic violence,” and focusing more on the younger generation. That is how serious this has become. She also said the following: “He will hit you again!! Give it some time, get yourself some counseling, If a man hits you once, he will hit you again.”

Donald Trump even had this to say “She better get the hell out.  If she goes back, she’s a loser, and she doesn’t deserve to have any future success.”

Perhaps what’s needed more than anything else, is the supportive community of other women who’ve gone through this before. Find solace in knowing that there are tons of women who’ve faced the same demons and are now living happy, wholly useful lives free of violence and repetitious assault. Whether you are in a relationship, or have broken free of the cycle, there are people out there that need you. As recovering alcoholics need to keep passing their message of sobriety to one another to stay sober, we can help each other the same by sharing our stories and strength with each other.

My lovely ladies, I can’t scream this enough. Talk to someone, seek help. You owe this to yourself. You are beautiful, strong, and empowered. Free yourself from abuse, and remember this, “freedom breeds more freedom.”

Stay blessed!

“In the new issue of Us Weekly (on newsstands Wednesday), five people close to the situation - including two relatives of the other woman - confirm that Jon & Kate Plus 8 dad Jon Gosselin, 32, has been having an affair with third grade school teacher Deanna Hummel.

The most explosive blow-by-blow details are revealed by Deanna’s older brother - and roommate - Jason, who tells Us Weekly that he is speaking out now to set the record straight and to protect his naive sister.”

“At the Hummel house, Jason says Deanna and Jon would “pretty much stay locked away like two teenagers. It was weird. He’s a grown man. He also adds, “A lot of the time, it was pretty, um, gross listening to her, you know, um — how do I say this? The walls are thin. Let’s just say that. I mean, no one wants to hear his sister having sex, let alone with a married dude who’s, like, almost twice her age and who has eight kids and a maybe-crazy wife. Ick. Nast.”

ORIGINAL POST:

What’s this I’m hearing that the calm, cool, chilled, quiet Jon Gosselin is cheating on his wife with some college girls? Specifically, some ladies on a volley ball team in a local college in PA. According to media, he has been going out night, after night, hanging at sport bars and getting drunk. In some cases, playing beer pong with these ladies. Hmm…

I remember when the show first aired. My family & I were glued to the TV. In fact, we had the show Tivo’d because we didn’t want to miss an episode. This was going to be our “guilty pleasure,” a “new obsession.” We were looking forward to enjoying the show because they seemed like a young couple, and we thought, “Holy cow! Eight kids under the age of five? That’s insane!” I definitely wanted to see the craziness and chaos unravel.

That excitement quickly fizzled for me. A few shows into the first season, and Kate started to get on my last nerves. It was a bitter-sweet feeling because I really enjoyed watching the kids. They were a crack up. I adored the kids. They were so fun to watch and just too cute. Jon? He was super cool and laid back too.

However, Kate was just a constant disrespect to her husband. In my opinion.

She’d cut him off when it was his time to talk. Constantly yell at him, and was just plain rude and nasty to him. She publicly humiliated this man. To me, Kate completely came off as this control freak that had to have the last word, and was always right. Darn, was that harsh? Sorry, Kate. I’m sure the whole show is scripted *wink* *wink.* In any case, that rubbed me the wrong way, and I lost interest.

So, when this infidelity news surfaced, I was shocked! Quiet, calm, naive, passive Jon…cheating? That can’t be possible. Never! But you know, at the same token, I don’t put this past him or anyone for that matter. As shocking as it may seem, I have heard that the quiet ones are the deadliest. I am, by no means, validating this story. It could be a rumor for all I know. Neither Jon nor Kate have issued a public statement, so I am just basing this on good ol’ internet news.

Whether I liked Kate on the show or not, no one deserves to be cheated on. No one! Whether you don’t have any kids, have eight kids, or seventeen kids. It is completely cowardly. I can’t help but to be puzzled and wonder what could have driven Jon to this. Is he stressed? Did he finally hit a wall? Does he just want to be normal without living his life in front of the camera? Is he not getting laid? Does he now want a “trophy” girlfriend/wife? What?

I still don’t think any of the potential reasons above suffice. If anything, he should have confronted his wife, and they should have amicably split or sorted it out. Hurting the person you love(d) and the mother of your 8 kids in such manner is simply immature (I use the word “immature”, for the sake of being respectful).

Whatever your definition is, I see a lot of these around, especially in Los Angeles. And they are often young, beautiful, ditsy, with fake boobs, 4″ heels, and in the arms of not-so-good looking men old enough to be their father or grandfather. Usually, these men are fresh out of a divorce. You constantly hear of stories of such men ending marriages of 20, 30 or 40 something years in search of the perfect accessory: a trophy wife. I like to call these kinds of men, “big poppa.”

I have to confess; I find this quite intriguing. Because in most cases, you can clearly see what the motives are. However, I still don’t understand how someone walks out of a marriage that they’ve nurtured and invested in for so many years, cite irreconcilable differences, then immediately dive right into the dating scene and fish for an arm candy; a lady about the age of their daughter (or younger), whom they probably started courting before their marriage ended, and in some cases, is the root of the divorce.

They get married.

All she clearly wants to do is spend their money, and well, I guess…she puts up with intimacy. An act she probably secretly dreads, but participates in because she knows deep down inside that this is a temporary situation (she’ll leave him for that hunk). Or maybe she’s nailing the pool man, lawn boy, handy man or UPS guy (new meaning to “going postal”).

How does this differ from prostitution? In a backward way, you are paying for sex or getting paid for sex. No?

I often see these men as an “establishment,” an “institution,” a “personal bank,” an “employer.” And the ladies? “Employees,” “business women,” an “investor.” I mean, they are getting paid to “be”. In the end, they cash-out big time.

Granted, people marry for a variety of reasons: love, status, convenience, professional, religious beliefs, economical,  arranged, or political so why should marrying a trophy wife for the reason of being a “trophy” be any different, eh? Well, at least make sure she is educated. Make sure when she accompanies you to an event, she can hold her own. Engage in any conversation and make sense while doing so.

I did some research for the definition of the term “trophy wife” or the history behind it and apparently, an article in a 1989 Fortune Magazine introduced the phrase. It described a trophy wife as a woman who is a “decade or two younger than her husband, sometimes several inches taller, beautiful, and very often accomplished.”

Well! Well!! Well!!! very often accomplished? Uhm, I don’t see that anymore.

To be quite frank, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. I mean, all you have to do is tune on to shows like “Housewives of Some County” and you’ll see what I mean. Or look around you. It’s becoming a trend.

With the state of our economy right now, you know these ladies are out there with full effect ready to prey, so are the married or newly divorced older men. Their choices are endless. They choose their trophy, get married, have a baby(ies), she files for a divorce, takes him to court for alimony and child support, marries a much younger guy than “big poppa” then they live happily ever after on “big poppa’s” money and she never has to work a day in her life.

It’s really sad to me that the first wives that have been with these men through hard and rough times, potentially aided them to be the success they are today, and possibly gave up their careers and goals to be stay home moms, end up being the loser at the tail end of the bargain. They are left with nothing (well, perhaps a nice settlement themselves…but they’re the ones who were most likely emotionally vested and committed to a lifelong relationship).

Emotionally, physically, mentally and materially; they are drained with the divorce.

It’s often a sad ending for them while the men enjoy what seems to be a happy and new beginning, at least for the time being…until they themselves get duped by the “trophy wife.”

What are your thoughts?

Credits:

Pic:
www.buycostumes.com

Fortune magazine definition:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/08/fashion/08JERI.html

But women get this more when it comes to child bearing, however, men have biological clocks too, and it’s ticking as I write. As a matter of fact, as men get older, they face an increased risk of fathering children with abnormalities.

In any case, the minute a woman is seen with a guy, they are asked “so when is the big day?” God forbid you are around your married friends - because they are married, they turn to you to ask you when you are getting hitched too, or try to give you this corny speech/advice about you settling down and why you should. Oh, and forget it if they have kids, then they either suggest that you are next, or ask (with pressure), “So are you guys having kids? When are are you having kids?”

I noticed that as we are getting older, and we hang out around people or friends in our age group, this sort of topic never fails to come up. Is it that people just automatically expect you to walk their walk and talk their talk?

Can we all start understanding that everyone’s path in life is different? And what works for you does not work for the next? Can we start to understand that relationships are not the easiest to come by, and while some may be lucky to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, others have to go through and survive terrible heartaches and relationships?

There are also married/unmarried ones who are in a committed union, but are experiencing child bearing difficulties and don’t necessarily want to discuss it because it is indeed a private matter. Or those that have decided that bringing a baby into this world is certainly not for them, which could either stem from past issues or the fact that they know darn well that they may suck at this thing called parenthood. I have mega respect for these people because I would rather you not bring a child into this world, than bring them in and have no care for them.

Truly, the fact is, these days, you can get pregnant up until the age of 50. Of course, it’s not always medically advisable, but it’s possible. Pay a visit to Los Angeles, and you’ll see beautiful moms just having kids at the age of 40 and over. After all, when it comes to fertility, it is the age of the egg, not the age of the woman that matters most. My point is, it’s not too late for those that long for it. Don’t pay attention to peer pressure or settle for a man just because. Take your time and find the right person who will love you and your kids.

And people, stop pressuring your dear friends or loved ones. Stop bringing it up at family gatherings, get-togethers, etc. just because you have nothing else to talk about, you envy their single status, their union without kids, you are miserable in your relationship, or you are trying to recruit someone else to join the bandwagon. It’s not cool, it scares your friends, and it could be embarrassing. If you are happy in your marriage and it works for you, great! Enjoy it! Concentrate on it.

Don’t ask me why I’m appointing myself as an advocate, but I am.

Friday is here again, so enjoy your short n fab weekend! *Smiles*

Personally, I don’t think you should wait till the court orders you or gets involved before realizing that you have to contribute to the upbringing of your own child. It’s common sense. Besides, if women are always stressing and fighting for equality, then it should apply here as well.

Granted there are tons of deadbeat dads out there, but I also think there are vengeful women out there who try to get a man for everything he has just because the relationship didn’t workout. These type of women screw things up for the women that actually need the necessary support for the upbringing of the kid(s). For heaven sake, there are women that actually quit their day job(s) and solely live on a child support income, or ask for the “dad” to support them for the rest of their lives. Perfect example, 50cent and his “baby mama”, TI and his “baby mama”, athletes, and a host of other celebs and non-celebs that I’m reserving mention of.

I respect any man who would step up to the plate and raise their child(ren). However, on the flip side, I also understand that there are some men who only step up, and act like they are involved in their child’s life because the court is involved. They pretend that they want to 50/50 the responsibilities just so they’d avoid paying child support, or paying a lesser amount. It is all so twisted. And I always feel bad for the kid(s) involved.

Do women really get preferential treatment from the court when the tables are turned around? In some cases, yes. And I also think it depends on the judge. For the most part, they use their discretion. Think of the women who have kids with 3 or more men and actually have all the dads pay child support. There are women out there, who have all these kids because they don’t want to work a day in their life. I am not talking down on women, I am raising this issue because a reader asked for my thoughts and I am stating. I’m simply being honest.

Now, should a woman be imprisoned for not paying child support or owing backed up support? No. Not if they have other kids to take care of at home, or if the child was taken from her against her will.

May be in the end, men need to be more involved in the child(ren) lives. In other to change societal views on them in this particular situation. More women are left with the responsibilities of taking care of the kids than men are. It’s tough enough that women go through the entire 10 months of carrying the baby, and let’s not forget the labor pains. The majority are struggling to raise these kids themselves with no help from the man. Some have to work odd jobs or 2 or more jobs to make ends meet.

Bottom line is: if we want things to be equal, well, they should be equal.

Remember that saying, “what you don’t know, won’t hurt you?” Well, in this case, what you don’t know kills you.

What do you know about breast cancer, or rather, what do you know to look for? I have always thought that I needed to be searching for a lump. Truth be told, every morning, I do a self exam just for my sanity and peace of mind. Granted, I am not at the supposed age where I need to start getting a yearly mammogram (that age being 40), however, I think the suggested age needs to be brought down significantly. Not only have I lost friends or strangers to breast cancer below the age of 40, in this chilling video, you will see a 16 year old, whose life was shortened by the silent killer, inflammatory breast cancer (IBC).

Warning: The video you are about to watch is graphic.

As you will hear and see from this very informative piece, inflammatory cancer gives no warning. A lot of physicians heard about this type of cancer in school, but never saw a case - neither are they familiar with the disease. From the time this video aired until now, a lot of information has been/is being provided, websites are updated and dedicated, brochures made, classes to educate formed, and more physicians are being enlightened. Prior to that, there was little or no information provided about IBC.

Readers, I urge you to send this to all the women in your life. Spread the word, pass this around. You can save many lives by doing this. IBC is the most aggressive form of breast cancer. No one really knows how to prevent or cure it, and most women have never heard about it until they become victims.

Here are the signs and symptoms to look for:

• Rapid change in the appearance of one breast, over the course of days or weeks
• Thickness, heaviness or visible enlargement of one breast
• Discoloration, giving the breast a red, purple, pink or bruised appearance
• Unusual warmth of the affected breast
• Dimpling or ridges on the skin of the affected breast, similar to an orange peel
• Itching
• Tenderness, pain or aching
• Enlarged lymph nodes under the arm, above the collarbone or below the collarbone
• Flattening or turning inward of the nipple
• Swollen or crusted skin on the nipple
• Change in color of the skin around the nipple (areola)

My favorite quote from the video, “nobody knows your own breast better than you.” Always remember that.

• Dad passed on early in a child’s life
• He could have been sent to war
• It could be a father that constantly travels or traveled for work
• Due to a broken marriage
• Deadbeat dads
• He could be a “sick” father (either medically or due to insanity)
• Father could be abusive (mentally, sexually, verbally or physically)
• He could suffer from addiction / substance abuse

How does this affect a child? I mean, it’s really important to have the presence of both parents in a home, but I think more so, fathers. Fathers are highly regarded by their kids. They are looked upon as heroes, as powerful, as breadwinners and that protective shield for the family. (Don’t get me wrong, same goes for Mothers and if anyone knows that, I do, but my concern today is the father.)

For the sons of a missing father, does it determine your drive and struggle? Do you strive to become better than your father and not repeat the same cycle? Does it hurt so bad that you have no care in the world and turn to a group or organization for brotherly or fatherly love? Do you fall to despair and into the wrong circle of friends and influence? Do you find your direction in uncles, brothers, or other male elders?

And for the daughters of a missing father, do you sometimes find yourself choosing men that posses your father’s traits? Do you gravitate towards abusive men because that’s all you know? Or do you vow to choose wisely…someone very different from your father? Do you hate men because of your father? What is the emotional damage?

After all, your childhood is your foundation.

Kudos to our fathers. The ones that decided to stick around and handle their responsibilities. Kudos to the strong, hardworking, heroic and loving father. Even those that didn’t have a choice but to be missing in their child’s life due to circumstances.

Dear fathers, Your role in your child’s life is crucial. Be the best that you can be, so that your child can be better than you, and his/her child will be better than him/her. Plant that seed today. Talk to your child. Love your child. Endlessly. Guide your child. Tell your child “I love you.” Let your child see you cry. Let your child see you smile. Let your child see you struggle. Missing fathers, it’s never too late to make amends.

Yes, you heard right. Salma lends her boobs to a hungry baby. During a recent trip to Sierra Leone, where Salma Hayek was fulfilling her charity duties, she visited a clinic and witnessed a woman “struggling to feed her baby, and she snapped into action.” According to Celebrity Baby Blog, Salma said, “The baby was perfectly healthy, but the mother didn’t have milk. He was very hungry. I was weaning Valentina, but I still had a lot of milk that I was pumping, so I breastfed the baby. You should have seen his eyes. When he felt the nourishment, he immediately stopped crying.”

I don’t know about you, but I am super impressed with this woman.  I believe that the connection and warmth a child gets from breastfeeding far exceeds what they get from pumped breast milk or formula in a bottle. Nothing against moms that struggle with breastfeeding because I know darn well that it is challenging. I am also aware that some kids just don’t latch on or like the taste, however, I can’t help but wonder how fulfilling this was for her - to breastfeed a hungry child without a care in the world. Especially not caring what the media’s take would be. “Should I save this baby’s life, or should I care about front page news?” This is exactly why I blog about the little ones. This is why I say it takes a village/community to raise a child. Perfect example! She selflessly offered her milk to a starving baby.

Do we all really understand the importance of breast milk? When I had my daughter, she had to stay in the hospital a few extra days. There were kids that were far worse than her in the NICU. Do you know what cured most of these kids or at least helped facilitate a speedy recovery? Breast milk. The Doctors advocated that every mother breastfeed their sick babies, and those that didn’t have BM got donations.

I thought about donating my milk to babies in Africa. I looked into the process, but it was far from easy. Also, you’d have to go through several stacks of paperwork, tests and screenings which I wasn’t totally prepared for (with a brand new baby and my own complications). In addition, the closest bank to me, that I was aware of was in Northern California. Still, it should not be an excuse. I just wish I knew sooner and could prepare for it. If I were in Salma’s shoes, I would have done the same…without a doubt. As a matter of fact, I found out about the process of donating breast milk at the hospital when I offered to breast feed/donate pumped milk to a baby in desperate need.

While on this issue, let’s not forget about the biological mother that actually allowed Salma to breastfeed her hungry child. Was she conflicted in anyway? Did she think twice about it? Kudos to her! I can’t imagine what I’d feel. You know the moment when the baby locks eyes with Salma while she is feeding him? It makes me wonder. All the mixed emotions for everyone involved.

How do you all feel about this? Would you have done the same if you were Salma? Or are you totally against beast-feeding or donating BM to someone else’s child? Consider the rate of dying babies and malnourished kids in Africa or possibly other parts of the world (my main focus is Africa, however). While you are thinking about this, keep in mind that a lot of babies contract HIV/AIDS from their moms through breast feeding in Africa. This is especially why they test and screen all donated BM thoroughly. Like other issues I have raised in the past, there are always pros and cons. Your thoughts, perspective and comments are all welcomed. Shoot..

PS - Please, sponsor a child. Let us all do our part. Together, we can make a change. There is no reason why a child should have to suffer.

“Imagine you are starving to death. Unable to walk because you’re so weak, you are crawling inch by inch towards a food camp a kilometer away. Behind you, a vulture is waiting for you to die so that it can feast on your flesh. How would you feel if it really happened?” I got this touching excerpt from Teejee on flickr. This statement says it all. it explains the picture above.

Credits:
Excerpts from http://www.celebrity-babies.com

Photo: Kevin Carter (courtesy of http://newsahead.blogspot.com)

Celebrity WeWe Pieces

Nicole Richie               Kimmy Dress in Sunflower / Sade Dress in Sand / Nikki Tunic in Lime

Lindsay Lohan             Molly Dress in Charcoal / Nikki Tunic in Skin

Ashlee Simpson          Kimmy Dress in Marine / Sade Dress in Forest

Eva Longoria               Molly Dress in Citrus

Tori Spelling                Molly Dress in Citrus / Toks Tunic in Bubblegum

Jessica Simpson         Sade Dress in Sand

Kate Hudson               Kimmy Dress in White Cloud

Jessica Alba                Molly Dress in Kiwi

Marcia Cross              Nikki Tunic in Lime / Toks in Sand

Audrina Patridge (The Hills)   Molly Dress in Charcoal

MEN

Gichi Gamba              Russell Tunic in Frosting

Dani Wooten              Russell Tunic in Moss

I may be missing others because the clothes are in stores. And like I said, WeWe Celeb kids are not included. Hope this helps!

Have a fab weekend!

Since I’m limited to three celebrities, I went ahead and chose four. Four is the new three. Lol!

That said, my immediate choices (this is tough - wish I could list more names) are Joy Bryant, Nicole Richie, Rachel Zoe and Zoe Kravitz. I picked these four because their styles are timeless, chic, vintage and boho. I design for the FREE. My pieces are liberating. You feel comfortable, beautiful, sexy and stylish. You’d rarely find these folks wear body hugging clothes, and that’s my mentality. Give me a maxi dress or tunic 4 sizes too big. Give me a flowy kaftan along with a glass of aged, fine wine. So far, out of the four I mentioned, Nicole Richie is the only celeb (I know of) that owns some WeWe pieces. She has the Kimmy maxi dress in sunflower, the Sade maxi dress in sand and the Nikki tunic top in lime. I can see all four of them in any and all WeWe pieces.

If I were to choose three men, I’d choose Kanye West (just because he is daring, bold, and would wear anything), Johnny Depp, and Brad Pitt. What? Four? Ok, and Seal. There!

What do you all think? Can you pick a different list from mine? I think you should also include yourself!

Got an invitation to a party today. It’s deemed to be a swanky birthday party, and as I continued to read the invitation, at the bottom it read in capital letters: NO PRESENTS PLEASE!

That took me aback. Why wouldn’t you want a gift on your birthday? I have never heard of that before. It made me think hard. I mean, I know sometimes we tell our family & friends to not bother buying us a gift, knowing fully well that they will. But this is on a different plane. This person must be really content, full of life and just plain thankful for seeing yet another year, that they don’t want to be gifted on such a special day.

Or the person is just so stinking rich that he/she can afford, and have any gift you can possibly think of. Hmm..well, may be the recession? Surely thoughtful, if that’s the case. Frankly, I don’t know.

It could also be that the person didn’t want to deal with little gifts here and there that don’t add up, or that they won’t have use for - which goes back to one of my previous posts: To Re-gift or Toss Out?

Call me crazy, but I’m curious. How humbling…to turn down gifts. “You are invited to my wonderful lush party. Open bar, 3-course dinner, deserts, bring your friends. NO GIFTS PLEASE!” Lol!

Seriously, how many of you will do or have done this? Be honest too. Do you have any idea why this person may be rejecting gifts?

It’s friday! Have a fab weekend, loves!

Well, guess who is taking after this daring soul? Miss Zurhi. Where do I start? I just hope and pray that we don’t get a surprise visit from child services asking to join us for dinner. Because Zurhi is pretty banged up and being a lighter version of Sidney (and I mean really light), her bruises are apparent…even to the naked eye.

She goes full speed and indulges in every single activity she sees her brother enjoying, danger be damned. This also means that when Sidney is being ‘good’, she reluctantly imitates. I mean, I grew up with an older sister, older brother and a younger sister who came along after I was matured and self-sufficient, so I won’t focus on the 10yr gap. But growing up with my old sister and brother was a different story. We all had different personalities, but the same tendencies. Older sister was the really quiet one, took education wayyyy too serious (and still does) and just lived in her own little world. All she cared about was being the perfect child and getting perfect grades. She was the golden child.

Older brother, possibly the nicest, most loving, and kind-hearted  guy I have ever met. Very diplomatic too. Always protective of me. He is the one Sidney takes after, so when I describe Sidney, you get a sense of my brother. However, since I turned out to be a girl, I automatically became his younger brother. So guess who he practiced all his Bruce Lee moves on? Yup! Me. But thank God for older siblings and kudos to them because they are seriously under a lot of pressure. I did everything they did. Everything. I followed their footsteps. Most of the time, nothing my parents said to me mattered, but if my older ones said something to me, it was truth. So you can say I ended up like both of them. Half of my sister, half of my brother.

Fast forward to my Kids. Sidney gets Zurhi and vice versa. The chaos in our house? Insanity! You see Zurhi tackling Sidney to the floor like it’s a game of USC v. UCLA. They are screaming, running, jumping, playing video games, watching sports…and the list goes on. It is pure madness to the highest degree. It was/is the same with my niece, Bilikis. She looks up to Sidney. They are just a year apart, but Sidney is her idol. She sees Sidney and she flips out. Then put Zurhi in the mix, and you’ll see her emulating both. She has a learned a lot from Bilikis already, especially (questionable) dance moves. With one more on the way, Greg and I have decided to perfect our “tune them out” mode.

I’m going to leave you with what inspired this blog. A few days ago, I picked up Zurhi from school, she went running to Sidney’s room, however, met his absence because he was on a sleep over play date. She decided to stay in his room and play with his toys. Well, Sidney has a bunk bed in his room. A really tall one that has an open space on the bottom. She has seen Sidney climb up and down his bed and jump down like he is a super hero of some sort and I guess this particular evening was her night to attain the super hero status. She climbed all the way up (this still baffles me because not in my wildest dream would I have thought that my 16mth old could climb one step talk less of all the way up). I heard her singing out really loud, so I decided to check in to see what she was up to.

I walked in and I was in shock. How did she get up there? Am I seeing OK? Before I could reach out my hand, pick her up and bring her down, she got up and dove. Yup…landed right on the carpeted floor. Thank God she didn’t break any bones, but she did bust her lip and her wrist was sore for a couple of days. She cried herself to sleep that evening. I was scared shitless. I gave her Motrin, called her dad…I panicked. The rest of the weekend she was sick, but she is much better now and boy are we happy to have our jolly Zurhi back. I will rather have my kids screaming and running any day than have them confined to their bed or to my chest with sickness. This, folks, is a serious case of monkey see, monkey do.

Can you all relate to this, are your kids the same way or my kids are special? If not your kids, I’m sure you and your sibling(s) had similar encounters. No?

Please bear with us. And while you are out there celebrating, stay safe and enjoy.

By the way, is it just me or is everyone else looking forward to the fashion spread? Afterall, a bunch of designers submitted suggestive sketches of designs they think will be better suited for the Obama family. I’m looking forward to seeing which lucky designer they went with.

Keeping my fingers crossed for Michelle. Hope she picked a fab dress (or several dresses).