PS- Must be local..in the Los Angeles area.

Many thanks..

WeWe Team

I also have to keep you updated on the workout plan. I have 12 lbs to go - Yay! The last few ones are the hardest, but I’m as determined as ever. After all, I started from 60 lbs. By the way, I realized that the way I was updating you all was a little daunting, so I have decided that if any of you have questions about diet or exercise tips, you can simply email me/leave a comment. I’m happy to help/share.

By the way, I will put up pictures of the end result. Lol!

I have a pretty interesting post coming up tomorrow, so stay tuned…

Z? Boy! Different story. She is becoming a girly girl already, and it’s weird because she started off as a tomboy (she still is - kinda), but these days, she is really observing and doing things I do.

When, I’m fixing my hair, same goes for her. When I apply baby powder on my face, yup, she does. She asked to put on a necklace the other day - because she saw mine.

This weekend, as we were leaving out, I grabbed my sunglasses, she grabbed one out of MY collection (she broke hers), put it on, and strutted away with an attitude.

The list goes on for days!

Well, this morning as we were going to drop them off at school, I grabbed my purse, and why did missy grab a bag too. But guess what? The bag she grabbed was big enough to stuff her in. Literally. Are you all familiar with a blow-up mattress? Well, have you seen the bag that comes with a queen size one? Yes, that’s the bag she grabbed to take to school with her - as a purse. Lol!

Dad tried to take it from her and it was a complete riot. She won’t let go. Eventually, he won. But she didn’t give up without a fight.

I have been trying to keep a journal of my meals, but I have a pretty serious case of baby brain that I don’t even remember the last thing I said - not to mention what I had to eat an hour ago, so if I don’t write it down immediately, that’s valid information gone down the drain. Lol.

Also, It seems like I’m only reporting what I eat on days that I workout, whereas I’m supposed to fill you in on my daily diet. Hmm…

So, please, help me. We need to figure something else out.

As mentioned in the previous workout post, each day, I up the distance/speed I run. On day six, I ran for 53 mins and burned 850 calories. It’s not my usual, but hey…baby steps.

I have any of the below for breakfast, lunch and dinner..

Breakfast: tea/coffee, apple or cottage cheese (again, I’m not the breakfast type - some say it’s bad, though.)

Lunch: Oatmeal, Greg’s baked chicken, Organic lentil soup from Trader J., quinoa and veggies, or quinoa and baked chicken

Mid-day snack: 80 calorie dannon yoghurt, cottage cheese, low calorie rice cake.

Dinner: Tofu salad, baked chicken & quinoa, salmon & veggies, lentil soup, or baked chicken & veggies.

My exercise regimen started on Sunday, the 24th of May. Though, I have been watching my diet and completely cut out certain things as stated here, I cheated a couple of times. Lol. I had rice. It’s OK. As long as I don’t over do/eat.

So here goes it;

Day 1

I power walked/ran on the treadmill for 30 mins. Burned 450 calories. Since I haven’t exercised in months (duration of the pregnancy), I have to ease myself in. Same goes for starters - if this is your first time working out, or if you have not done so in ages. It felt good to be back on the treadmill again. What I don’t like about the first time, however, is the fact that my body itches. I dread it..it’s so distracting. That’s why I couldn’t do much, but it’s quite alright. It means I’m listening to my body, and so should you.

Meal: I had a huge cup of coffee for breakfast. I’m not a breakfast type of gal. Lunch, my mama’s oatmeal. Dinner, Greg’s salad w/low-fat Newman’s Honey Dijon dressing (Greg’s salad is a huge plate of lettuce, chicken/salmon, corn, Roma tomatoes, herbed fresh feta, and a bit of salt and pepper).

Day 2

I ran for 35 mins. Burned 550 calories. Again, easing my way into my 60 mins run - Which usually burns 1200 calories for me. It depends on how fast you run. I like to run fast. I love to sweat. Besides, running slow aka jogging makes me tired. I did weights and floor exercises for 20 mins.

Meal: Breakfast, a cup of coffee. Lunch, baked salmon and vegetables. Mid-day snack, 1 low cal rice cake. Dinner, 1 piece of baked chicken and a side of G’s salad.

Day 3

I ran and power walked for 43 mins. Burned 650 calories. For 35 mins, I did weights and floor exercises.

Meal: Breakfast, Lipton tea and an apple. Lunch, 1 piece of baked chicken with vegetables. Mid-day snack, 1 low cal rice cake. Dinner, Oatmeal.

I have lost 3 lbs since I started on Sunday. 21lbs to go.

Now, what got me as I listened to the story on the news (in addition to the disbelief that this child is going through this) is that while Hannah had surgery to remove part of the mass, they told her mother that it was not breast cancer. Why? “Because breast cancer does not happen to children,” they said.

I don’t think these doctors are alone in that belief. I think if we took a poll, majority of us would have thought the same thing. Lesson learned!

It took a series of tests and results that caught the doctors off guard: it turns out that Hannah had Stage IIA Invasive Ductal Carcinoma - supposedly, an adult form of breast cancer. This meant that the tumor would have to be removed, and as a result, Hannah had a mastectomy earlier this year. I can’t help but cry as I write this because my heart goes out to both Hannah and her mom. Equally.

Why? Why? Why? Urrggh!

It’s hard enough for kids to be kids, but to have health related issues on top of being a kid is unjust. Children should never be sick. Children should not have health issues. They are far too innocent to understand and deal. That said, I do believe that when kids are sick, it truly humbles your heart as an adult. They live with it with so much grace, and you never hear them complain.

I did a wee bit of research to find out how common this was, and while it’s not severely common (a handful of cases), it does happen. I read of another story in China where the husband suspected after one of the twins came out really big, weak and sickly. In addition both kids had different blood types. Eventually, the wife confessed to having an affair with her ex-boyfriend. Boy!

So is the story of 20 year old, Mia of Dallas, Texas. She claimed that she was shocked to find out that her twin sons had different dads. Justin and Jordan Washington were born seven minutes apart 11 months ago and doctors have since confirmed that they were fathered by different men. She had their DNA tested after noticing that the boys looked so different from each other. Mia did admit to cheating on her partner, James Harrison with another man.

According to medical experts, chances of twins having different dads are a million to one. However, the test showed that there was only a 0.001 per cent chance that Justin and Jordan have the same father. Apparently, since women release multiple eggs during ovulation, if one has more than one sexual partners in that period, two eggs can be fertilized by separate sperms.

The boys sort of look alike - I don’t think I’ll be able to tell otherwise until they are much older, or if they are standing side by side.

Luckily for Mia, her partner, James, decided to stick around and raise both boys as his. The identity of the other dad has not been disclosed. And check this, Mia is expecting another child again. This time she says “I can guarantee there’ll be no questions raised this time around.” OK, Mia.

Do you think the kids have a right to know? Or at least the unidentified father? I think so. Mia indicated that she won’t reveal the situation to the kids until they are old enough to make decisions on their own. I don’t think I agree with this, but curious to find out what others think.

photo credit: The Sun

I’m quite sure I’m not the first with three beautiful kids, which includes a newborn and staying up all night, a business, 2 blogs, 3 cats, 2 dogs, and 1 snake. All the while, I have all these different “social media” accounts to keep up with, phone calls to make and return, emails to read and respond to, and I seriously feel like I’m failing at it. (OK, this is the part where everyone says, “aww” and you feel sorry for me).

What makes it more insane is that somehow, I have to fit a 2-hour workout routine beginning next week. This was my life(style) before the new baby and I certainly love to keep it up. My workout regimen consists of 15 mins stretch, 30 mins weights, 60 mins run and another 15 mins stretch.

I promised you all that I was going to keep you updated about my weight loss, and we were going to go on this journey together - per your request.

So, I’m going to chat with you with all honesty. I gained 56 lbs with my third child. Yes, I didn’t think it was possible. Lol. I wondered why I kept running out of breath. Go figure! It’s been 3 weeks now, and I have lost 36 lbs. I have completely changed my diet. Nothing drastic because I’m nursing, but my next post will include my daily diet. It is safe to say that I don’t eat carbs: Rice, bread, pasta, bananas, sugar, or juice, etc. I’m also doing my best to avoid red meat.

I have 24 lbs to go, and I’m giving myself 3 more weeks. It will be a little bit below my pre pregnancy weight, but it’s OK. Then, of course, I will maintain it by continuing my workout regimen and eating right.

Will do my best to blog as much as I can - along with my daily posts on Style Pantry so keep the questions/email coming. Don’t be threatened by my schedule. I’m not. Hehhehe..

Seriously, I remember going through it with Sidney and Zurhi temporarily, but the pain was not this serious, and I didn’t bleed. Yup! So, I have been swallowing Ibuprofen every three hours to alleviate the pain. I have also been using Lansinoh by Lanolin; an ointment for breastfeeding mothers to prevent cracked nipples and scabbing. It looks like it’s helping.

More importantly, I have continued to nurse with that sore, cracked, bleeding nipple/breast. According to my mom, that’s the best way to heal. My mom, who is a self proclaimed mid-wife, said the baby’s mouth is the best medicine (by the way, I confirmed this on other websites too). Isn’t it great how the body works?

I also tried having her latch on differently, which made a huge difference!

I love the act of nursing and everything that it entails. The bonding experience, when your baby stares in your eyes…like “thank you mommy for this delicious milk.” Hehehe..priceless!

Feel free to add on any additional tips and suggestions by leaving a comment. Thanks.

photo credit: google images

Folks, do I need to remind us that it costs absolutely nothing to be kind and everything if you aren’t? Let’s think of others this week. What can you do to help someone other than yourself or family?

You don’t have to show off what you can do. We should live for the good of others, and not ourselves. Self centeredness is the root of every strife. The generation behind us is following us with stride, so let’s lead by example. Your kids are watching and learning from you, so set the record straight.

Kill with an act of kindness. When you are at a drive-thru, pay for the car behind you. Get the door for the mother struggling with her stroller. Settle a mis-communication with a friend. Buy lunch for the homeless guy you see on the corner every day. Something so minute to you, can be grand for someone else.

Visit a patient at your local hospital and read to them, or bring them flowers. Bake cookies for your neighbors, say a prayer for a friend. Do a random act, and see how amazing it makes the person on the receiving end feel. Spread the love and make the world a better place.

Feel free to tell us about what/how someone has been to kind to you. Or like a dear friend would say, “share your bright moments.” Let’s keep the circle of love going.

I am in love. With my sister. I know, I know, I’m such a hypocrite. Last week, I wrote a post about incestuous relationships and how sick it is. And here I am lusting over my sister. Lol.

I can’t help it. She is mega beautiful inside and out. Everyone, and I mean everyone loves my sister. Even her haters, though, they have a unique way of showing it. Lol.

You are truly sensational. Thanks for being such a fantastic role-model and for stepping in to raise me as your child, albeit, you are actually not old enough to have me (we are 3.5 years apart). In fact, most think I am older. I think it’s those cute dimples and innocent smile of yours that trick people into thinking that. And I don’t blame them.

Enjoy your day today. Sorry I can’t be there with you. We had a fantastic time last year, though, didn’t we? Keep looking and feeling young as you continue to age gracefully.

Folks, please join me in wishing her a Happy Birthday. Feel free to tap her also (if you see her in person) and give her a hug and a kiss for me. Tell her it’s from her sister, but make sure you don’t have BO and bad breath going on. She is sort of allergic - Lol. Just kidding!

Fabulous one, have a superb birthday! Love you loads, baby. You totally ROCK!

In the news yesterday, there was yet another report of a mother in Houston abandoning her new born baby girl in a clothes dryer. And check this, the umbilical cord was still attached!!!!!

How insane, ruthless, heartless and mean?  Didn’t these women carry there babies for 9months and developed some sort of bond? I’m seriously trying to understand their chain of thought, but I’m not getting it.

I’m sure there are some underlying factors, but it still doesn’t add up. Sorry!

Can you imagine telling these babies when they get older? That they were found in a clothes dryer and their mothers placed them there? That will trouble them for the rest of their lives.

Let’s get it together people, can we?

Alas, try to have a good weekend, folks!

I am elated that he finally pleaded guilty to all charges against him - including murder. According to the daily mail, Elisabeth Fritzl made a shocking appearance in court to confront her father. “It is believed that Fritzl knew she was there watching him - and that it was the weight of his daughter’s eyes on him that finally caused him to crack. ”

Josef beat, degraded, raped, starved and humiliated his daughter and her kids all these years. What kind of a parent does that? A sick, disgusting psychopath, that’s who.

Incestuous relationships have always been. However, more and more victims are speaking up and defending themselves. I can’t imagine how strange this is for the victims…here you have a parent or family member, whom you love, sexually abusing you and you are confused…not knowing or accepting that this is wrong and it is not love.

It is common in India and Africa (mainly South Africa). In fact, it is common in most developing countries, where victims are powerless. They can’t talk about it or else they become an outcast. To make matters worse, in some of these countries, it is not considered to be a problem. How could it be a problem, if it supposedly doesn’t ever happen?

In the United States, some researchers estimate that one in four women were sexually abused as children. This number is alarming. To think that one in four women you see walking in the street has been sexually abused is quite sad.

How can this be eradicated? How can we possibly help those who have been through this? How can we prevent this moving forward? It certainly taints how most sexually abused children view life and view men, as it creates long-term effects that tend to show up during adult years. Victims can either sway in the direction of becoming sexually active, and prostituting or become bitter, hate men, experience difficulty dating or trusting men, low self-esteem, and sexual inadequacy (and/or all of the above).

Some certainly attempt or commit suicide.

We need to fight this for the sake of our kids. Both young girls and boys. We need to be their voice and do everything we can to make sure they never have to face this. We need to talk openly with our kids. Let them know that this does exists and for them to speak up when they do see signs. As parents, we need not wait till our kids come to us. We should constantly ask and not shy away from the “sex” conversation. Because unfortunately, our world has become a world in which everything sex rules.

It is sad to think that some kids may eventually see the abuser as the “good guy”, the one that cares. This is much more likely to happen when there is emotional neglect in the household; when the child is not getting well deserved attention from parents. S/he feels that the only person that cares is the abuser. This is why we have to pay more attention to our kids and their needs. In homes where there are 3 or more kids, it becomes easy to neglect.

Unfortunately, bad parenting, lack of sex education at home or in schools, and the notion that allows men to feel superior and powerful over women and children, are some of the factors that will allow incest and sexual abuse to continue to go unreported. Of course, the main reason is just plain clinical insanity.

PS - To read more on the Josef Fritzl story, click on the link below:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1162591/The-monster-finally-finds-conscience-Fritzl-changes-pleas-guilty-daughter-confronts-court.html

Was she referring to Skid Row or anywhere the homeless gathered as “the district of public failure”? Because some of these people didn’t choose to be homeless. Condition subjected them there - conditions such as: unemployment, high rent and the extreme cost of living, runaway teens, drug addicts, alcoholism, to mention a few; therefore, we can’t knock them collectively.

I remember when I first moved to California. I thought, how ironic that California housed the richest people in the entertainment industry, and also seem to have the highest population of homeless. I was shocked to see that this is a huge problem in every major city in California: Hollywood, San Francisco, Venice, Ventura, Santa Monica, and San Diego to name some of the cities. They are everywhere. I have never seen anything like that before. Believe it or not, California is the homeless capital of America.

Coming from the East Coast, you only see them in certain cities/places. You’d seriously have to drive a distance to come across them. Not saying that the percentage is not high on the East Coast, but wondering if the government provides enough shelters to accommodate them, so they don’t have to be on the street. And if that’s the case, why California, one of the richest states, is not on board with this? Did it get out of hand? The demand for shelters and programs to assist them far exceeded the amount of homeless in each city?

Seriously, what are they doing to help? Where are the celebrities to the rescue? I feel like they, the celebrities, that is, are quick to jumping into assisting televised and publicized non-profits. So the masses can give them a pat on the back and they can be recognized for doing “charity” work or helping other Countries, yet, right under their nose, is a person like them that tried to “make it” in the industry, but luck was not on his/her side, or the stress of keeping up with the constant increase in mortgage or rent, the recession, whatever it is..little attention or effort is paid.

In my opinion, I think a lot of churches and non-celebrity non-profit groups, regular working citizens, do more work in helping and assisting the homeless groups.

If anything, most of these rich cities, like Beverly Hills and the like, put a lot of money into fighting against the homeless (who can’t fight back), making sure that laws are enacted to keep them away. Can we put these monies into good use? You know, like building more shelters? Programs that will reform and not add to the problem that already exists?

For me, what is making this more aghast, is the number of babies and kids you see on the streets. Poor innocent babies who didn’t ask to be brought into this, but are in it due to the factors I mentioned above. And even if their parents are fighting hard to get them out of that situation, the truth of the matter is that it is extremely difficult to recover from being homeless (if they want to).

How do you begin to recover? How do you get a job if you don’t have the proper attire for an interview, you don’t have the money to look presentable, money for transportation, access to a phone or computer, and all those little things that we don’t pay attention to. (Sidenote: read up on what Google has done with their GrandCentral service in San Francisco about this.)

Even if you do find a job, and you are on the track of getting a roof on your head, now you have to come up with the first month’s rent, the last month’s rent and security deposit. Let’s not forget about credit checks. Most give up during the process and just go back to living in the streets, shelters or their cars.

Besides, shelters can only do so much. Shelters, to my understanding, only allow for temporarily living. You can’t make it your permanent home. That being said, what sort of programs do they have at shelters to help get these people back on their feet?

The current recession has made it far worse. More and more people loosing their jobs, and ending up in the streets. My husband recently saw a lady standing on the side of the road just outside Beverly Hills with a sign reading: “Ex-Studio Exec, now homeless. Please help.”

Crime rate is way high and everyone is fighting and doing whatever to survive. Yet, the rich are getting richer. You can’t ignore reading the tabloids and seeing one celebrity or the other buying a new $10million mansion, a convertible Bentley, or simply spending money lavishly. Do we all see anything wrong with this picture? I’m not here to tell anyone how to spend their money, however, I am going to end with this:

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine that you were homeless and sleeping in the streets when it’s negative 5degress outside, or it’s pouring rain, or it’s 110 degrees hot. You have nothing to eat, nothing to drink. You have no way of survival. You are dying slowly. You have health problems. You live in fear of someone attacking you or raping you. Even further, you are living with your child(ren) in the street. You are watching your child die of hunger, dying of thirst, waste away slowly. Or God forbid, someone rapes or attacks your child. Would you want someone to come to your aid? If your answer is yes, then I suppose you have something to think about.

We are so quick to give our compassion for areas of the world ravaged by extreme poverty and hunger, or by catastrophic devastation (read: Niger, Kenya, or Thailand in the wake of the Tsunami). But what do we do for our countrymen? Wherever you live or call home, shouldn’t the help start from there? Our brothers and sisters living in desperation, unclear of how they are going to survive the day and night. They require our attention. They need our love and compassion as well.

Stay blessed!

I am going to be as real as it gets on this post. And it’s either you take it, or leave it. If you can’t bear to handle the truth, don’t care to read, then please, click and surf away. As always, if my post can help just one person (as I know it does from my inbox messages), then my work is worthwhile.

I am in no way, in an abusive relationship. I am blessed with a beautiful man and lovely kids, however, I am going to include myself in this post. I will talk generally as a woman addressing all women in this situation, as I am in no way better, bigger, smarter, stronger or brighter than anyone of you. And most importantly, I am fighting for a cause.

That being said, I am amazed at how often women stay in an abusive relationship, why we don’t walk away the first time, or why we make excuses…convincing ourselves that being in a violent relationship is OK and will get better with time.

How does an argument between two people, that claim to love or to be in love with one another, quickly wind up in violence? How do you look at your girlfriend, wife, mother of your child(ren) and punch her in the face, beat her mercilessly, call her names, and then want/try to be intimate with her again and again? How is that possible? What sort of satisfaction can you possibly get from physically, verbally, mentally or emotionally abusing your loved one, this person you supposedly cherish?

This is yet another way for men to establish control over their spouse. By trying to create power through fear and intimidation.

Think about how many violent relationships result in murder. Either the man beats his wife/partner until she takes her last breath or the victim snaps one day and kills the man. Either way, relationships of this sort never end well. Why can’t we walk away or seek help? Why do we keep going back (if we leave) to this kind of relationship?

Is there a deeper biological behavior at the root? Is it low self-esteem? Is it fear? Is it because the man tells us that no-one else wants us and we’ll never find love outside him? Is it fear of being a single mom? Is it what your culture promotes? Is it growing up in an abusive household, as women tend to date/marry their father’s kind!?

What? We can surely do better!

In my opinion, this is a serious case of co-dependent behavior.

This is very similar to being addicted to drugs in a way. You know it’s bad for you, yet it gives you this temporary high. This roller-coaster feeling. There are good times, and there are bad times. We know deep down inside that we should never succumb to a man hitting or hurting us. We break up, move out, he comes back begging (knowing fully well that he has you wrapped around his pinky) and we go back to him. Thinking, this time, he’ll change. The relationship will be better. But it gets worse because the ugly truth is domestic abuse escalates over time.

We won’t actually change until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change. It is the fear of the unknown and the pain of change that are our greatest enemies and most formidable obstacles.

It is so hard for women to reach out. It is such a huge step. Some women view it as shameful. We end up with a black eye, bruises, cuts, and broken bones yet again. Scars all over our bodies. We make one excuse after another like “I fell off the stairs”, “I just want to make my marriage work”, “The kids need their father”, “I got bit by the dog”, etc.

Women, c’mon!

We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and in most cases, it’s about tapping into that inner strength of ours and finding the courage to move on. But until we do, the cycle will continue to repeat itself. It will never change.

This brings me to the case of Chris Brown and Rihanna. Reading one blog to another, some men made comments like “she was too envious and possessive,” etc. And? She deserved to be beaten because of that? Now, they are back together, and there are talks about them making music together, and possibly getting married. How disturbing is this? What kind of message is this sending to the younger generation of men and women that look up to these two stars? Why couldn’t she seek help, counseling and speak up on the incident, letting her fans know that violence is never to be reckoned with?

Oprah Winfrey put out a statement via video stating that she’d be dedicating an entire show next week to “domestic violence,” and focusing more on the younger generation. That is how serious this has become. She also said the following: “He will hit you again!! Give it some time, get yourself some counseling, If a man hits you once, he will hit you again.”

Donald Trump even had this to say “She better get the hell out.  If she goes back, she’s a loser, and she doesn’t deserve to have any future success.”

Perhaps what’s needed more than anything else, is the supportive community of other women who’ve gone through this before. Find solace in knowing that there are tons of women who’ve faced the same demons and are now living happy, wholly useful lives free of violence and repetitious assault. Whether you are in a relationship, or have broken free of the cycle, there are people out there that need you. As recovering alcoholics need to keep passing their message of sobriety to one another to stay sober, we can help each other the same by sharing our stories and strength with each other.

My lovely ladies, I can’t scream this enough. Talk to someone, seek help. You owe this to yourself. You are beautiful, strong, and empowered. Free yourself from abuse, and remember this, “freedom breeds more freedom.”

Stay blessed!

“In the new issue of Us Weekly (on newsstands Wednesday), five people close to the situation - including two relatives of the other woman - confirm that Jon & Kate Plus 8 dad Jon Gosselin, 32, has been having an affair with third grade school teacher Deanna Hummel.

The most explosive blow-by-blow details are revealed by Deanna’s older brother - and roommate - Jason, who tells Us Weekly that he is speaking out now to set the record straight and to protect his naive sister.”

“At the Hummel house, Jason says Deanna and Jon would “pretty much stay locked away like two teenagers. It was weird. He’s a grown man. He also adds, “A lot of the time, it was pretty, um, gross listening to her, you know, um — how do I say this? The walls are thin. Let’s just say that. I mean, no one wants to hear his sister having sex, let alone with a married dude who’s, like, almost twice her age and who has eight kids and a maybe-crazy wife. Ick. Nast.”

ORIGINAL POST:

What’s this I’m hearing that the calm, cool, chilled, quiet Jon Gosselin is cheating on his wife with some college girls? Specifically, some ladies on a volley ball team in a local college in PA. According to media, he has been going out night, after night, hanging at sport bars and getting drunk. In some cases, playing beer pong with these ladies. Hmm…

I remember when the show first aired. My family & I were glued to the TV. In fact, we had the show Tivo’d because we didn’t want to miss an episode. This was going to be our “guilty pleasure,” a “new obsession.” We were looking forward to enjoying the show because they seemed like a young couple, and we thought, “Holy cow! Eight kids under the age of five? That’s insane!” I definitely wanted to see the craziness and chaos unravel.

That excitement quickly fizzled for me. A few shows into the first season, and Kate started to get on my last nerves. It was a bitter-sweet feeling because I really enjoyed watching the kids. They were a crack up. I adored the kids. They were so fun to watch and just too cute. Jon? He was super cool and laid back too.

However, Kate was just a constant disrespect to her husband. In my opinion.

She’d cut him off when it was his time to talk. Constantly yell at him, and was just plain rude and nasty to him. She publicly humiliated this man. To me, Kate completely came off as this control freak that had to have the last word, and was always right. Darn, was that harsh? Sorry, Kate. I’m sure the whole show is scripted *wink* *wink.* In any case, that rubbed me the wrong way, and I lost interest.

So, when this infidelity news surfaced, I was shocked! Quiet, calm, naive, passive Jon…cheating? That can’t be possible. Never! But you know, at the same token, I don’t put this past him or anyone for that matter. As shocking as it may seem, I have heard that the quiet ones are the deadliest. I am, by no means, validating this story. It could be a rumor for all I know. Neither Jon nor Kate have issued a public statement, so I am just basing this on good ol’ internet news.

Whether I liked Kate on the show or not, no one deserves to be cheated on. No one! Whether you don’t have any kids, have eight kids, or seventeen kids. It is completely cowardly. I can’t help but to be puzzled and wonder what could have driven Jon to this. Is he stressed? Did he finally hit a wall? Does he just want to be normal without living his life in front of the camera? Is he not getting laid? Does he now want a “trophy” girlfriend/wife? What?

I still don’t think any of the potential reasons above suffice. If anything, he should have confronted his wife, and they should have amicably split or sorted it out. Hurting the person you love(d) and the mother of your 8 kids in such manner is simply immature (I use the word “immature”, for the sake of being respectful).

“Uhm, no! I am Nigerian. Nigeria is in West Africa,” my usual response. Then they say, “Wow, you don’t look Nigerian! I have a lot of Nigerian friends.” Blah, blah, blah.

Puzzled. Am I supposed to take that as a compliment? What do Nigerians look like?

In any case, I went to the neighborhood market today, and the cashier was just sh*t out of luck. Today was the wrong day to ask and not have her facts straight. She was obviously a new employee. I didn’t recognize her because I have been going to the same market for 6 years, and we are all on a first name basis. I picked up a little bit of groceries and proceeded to the cashier to check out.

I said hello, and she didn’t even say hi back (mistake #1). She said, “are you Ethiopian” in some high squeaky, immediately annoying voice. I think that was what set me off. The voice? No, it’s the ignorance (I was thinking about this later as I drove home). I said, no. I’m Nigerian. She said, “Same, same. It’s the same thing, I was close, huh?” *blank stare.*

“The same? How? No ma’am. You are off. Way off. I am from West Africa, and Ethiopia is in the East. We don’t have the same culture, tradition, food, language…I can go up and down the list.” What is she talking about? To give her some credit, maybe a few things are similar, but nothing of significance that I can think of right now.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against other African Countries. Absolutely nothing. Personally, we are all sisters and brothers. I love the music, food, clothes and appreciate all of the cultures. I appreciate the mix-up, as I think we are all beautiful, but that’s amongst my community. Who are you to make that mistake out of ignorance and say, “same, same.” ?! Am I usually mean? No! But I don’t bullshit either.

Maybe on a normal day, I would have pleasantly educated her. Even if we started off on the wrong foot. Not today. I’m sick, going through incessant cravings and everyone stinks to me. I guess I need to just file this away under “pregnancy hormones.”

What makes it OK to have more than one wife? Religion? I guess that makes sin/sinning OK, since Adam & Eve ate the apple from the tree. NO! Polygamy, to me, seems like another way for men to be superior. To be controlling. In my opinion, polygamy is selfishness.

In most cases, having several wives under one roof rarely works out. It promotes hate, envy, bickering, and malice, amongst other things, while the husband sits back and have them settle their differences. The wives are forced to deal and live with it. How does this benefit the kids? Growing up in such a hostile environment?

I wonder if the women know going into the marriage that their husbands will end up seeking to marry more wives, or they find out after the fact. Regardless, it can’t be jolly news to the ears. I’m assuming that some women stick it out because they want to stay married, because the husband is their provider, because they are inlove, because of the kids, or due to the fact that they think they have no choice…perhaps because of religious or cultural beliefs.

It is a rather disturbing and provoking thought.

What makes a man seek for the comfort of another woman besides his wife? Doesn’t it become a chore to (sexually) satisfy all women? I feel like I could hear the male readers going, rhythmically, “Nooooooooo”. Did I just set myself up with that question?

Frankly ladies, can you imagine not going to bed with the man you love whenever you wish? Not having the choice to choose what night you want to cuddle and sleep with your husband? Better yet, dealing with listening to him and the other wife, as they get intimate in the room next to yours? WTF? I don’t care how religious or cultured you are. That can’t be pleasant or easy to deal with.

Now if the tables were turned, and women were allowed to marry more than one husband; how will this pan out? Personally, I think a man’s level of envy in terms of infidelity is far greater and stronger than a woman’s. Men are unforgiving when it comes to matter of the heart, while women are more tender-hearted and inclined to give second chances.

God bless these wives. Especially the first wives. I’m sure they feel cheated, intimidated, jealous, and misplaced. Or do they? Because I’m sure the more wives brought in, I’m guessing the younger they are. Which makes me wonder if amongst the wives, the first wife has the ultimate say in decision-making, has the upper hand, and over-sees the rest of the wives. Or is it the “baby” wife that rules?

In relation to modern day, modern women, would you allow your husband another wife? Even if your religion and culture permits. Would you stay in such relationship? If so, why?

Photo Credits:

“Say No To Polygamy” ABC News, http://www.abc.net.au
“Big Love pic” http://www.smh.com.au/…/2008/08/22/1219262513587.html
“African Pic” http://village.africanpath.com/

Whatever your definition is, I see a lot of these around, especially in Los Angeles. And they are often young, beautiful, ditsy, with fake boobs, 4″ heels, and in the arms of not-so-good looking men old enough to be their father or grandfather. Usually, these men are fresh out of a divorce. You constantly hear of stories of such men ending marriages of 20, 30 or 40 something years in search of the perfect accessory: a trophy wife. I like to call these kinds of men, “big poppa.”

I have to confess; I find this quite intriguing. Because in most cases, you can clearly see what the motives are. However, I still don’t understand how someone walks out of a marriage that they’ve nurtured and invested in for so many years, cite irreconcilable differences, then immediately dive right into the dating scene and fish for an arm candy; a lady about the age of their daughter (or younger), whom they probably started courting before their marriage ended, and in some cases, is the root of the divorce.

They get married.

All she clearly wants to do is spend their money, and well, I guess…she puts up with intimacy. An act she probably secretly dreads, but participates in because she knows deep down inside that this is a temporary situation (she’ll leave him for that hunk). Or maybe she’s nailing the pool man, lawn boy, handy man or UPS guy (new meaning to “going postal”).

How does this differ from prostitution? In a backward way, you are paying for sex or getting paid for sex. No?

I often see these men as an “establishment,” an “institution,” a “personal bank,” an “employer.” And the ladies? “Employees,” “business women,” an “investor.” I mean, they are getting paid to “be”. In the end, they cash-out big time.

Granted, people marry for a variety of reasons: love, status, convenience, professional, religious beliefs, economical,  arranged, or political so why should marrying a trophy wife for the reason of being a “trophy” be any different, eh? Well, at least make sure she is educated. Make sure when she accompanies you to an event, she can hold her own. Engage in any conversation and make sense while doing so.

I did some research for the definition of the term “trophy wife” or the history behind it and apparently, an article in a 1989 Fortune Magazine introduced the phrase. It described a trophy wife as a woman who is a “decade or two younger than her husband, sometimes several inches taller, beautiful, and very often accomplished.”

Well! Well!! Well!!! very often accomplished? Uhm, I don’t see that anymore.

To be quite frank, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. I mean, all you have to do is tune on to shows like “Housewives of Some County” and you’ll see what I mean. Or look around you. It’s becoming a trend.

With the state of our economy right now, you know these ladies are out there with full effect ready to prey, so are the married or newly divorced older men. Their choices are endless. They choose their trophy, get married, have a baby(ies), she files for a divorce, takes him to court for alimony and child support, marries a much younger guy than “big poppa” then they live happily ever after on “big poppa’s” money and she never has to work a day in her life.

It’s really sad to me that the first wives that have been with these men through hard and rough times, potentially aided them to be the success they are today, and possibly gave up their careers and goals to be stay home moms, end up being the loser at the tail end of the bargain. They are left with nothing (well, perhaps a nice settlement themselves…but they’re the ones who were most likely emotionally vested and committed to a lifelong relationship).

Emotionally, physically, mentally and materially; they are drained with the divorce.

It’s often a sad ending for them while the men enjoy what seems to be a happy and new beginning, at least for the time being…until they themselves get duped by the “trophy wife.”

What are your thoughts?

Credits:

Pic:
www.buycostumes.com

Fortune magazine definition:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/08/fashion/08JERI.html

But women get this more when it comes to child bearing, however, men have biological clocks too, and it’s ticking as I write. As a matter of fact, as men get older, they face an increased risk of fathering children with abnormalities.

In any case, the minute a woman is seen with a guy, they are asked “so when is the big day?” God forbid you are around your married friends - because they are married, they turn to you to ask you when you are getting hitched too, or try to give you this corny speech/advice about you settling down and why you should. Oh, and forget it if they have kids, then they either suggest that you are next, or ask (with pressure), “So are you guys having kids? When are are you having kids?”

I noticed that as we are getting older, and we hang out around people or friends in our age group, this sort of topic never fails to come up. Is it that people just automatically expect you to walk their walk and talk their talk?

Can we all start understanding that everyone’s path in life is different? And what works for you does not work for the next? Can we start to understand that relationships are not the easiest to come by, and while some may be lucky to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, others have to go through and survive terrible heartaches and relationships?

There are also married/unmarried ones who are in a committed union, but are experiencing child bearing difficulties and don’t necessarily want to discuss it because it is indeed a private matter. Or those that have decided that bringing a baby into this world is certainly not for them, which could either stem from past issues or the fact that they know darn well that they may suck at this thing called parenthood. I have mega respect for these people because I would rather you not bring a child into this world, than bring them in and have no care for them.

Truly, the fact is, these days, you can get pregnant up until the age of 50. Of course, it’s not always medically advisable, but it’s possible. Pay a visit to Los Angeles, and you’ll see beautiful moms just having kids at the age of 40 and over. After all, when it comes to fertility, it is the age of the egg, not the age of the woman that matters most. My point is, it’s not too late for those that long for it. Don’t pay attention to peer pressure or settle for a man just because. Take your time and find the right person who will love you and your kids.

And people, stop pressuring your dear friends or loved ones. Stop bringing it up at family gatherings, get-togethers, etc. just because you have nothing else to talk about, you envy their single status, their union without kids, you are miserable in your relationship, or you are trying to recruit someone else to join the bandwagon. It’s not cool, it scares your friends, and it could be embarrassing. If you are happy in your marriage and it works for you, great! Enjoy it! Concentrate on it.

Don’t ask me why I’m appointing myself as an advocate, but I am.

Friday is here again, so enjoy your short n fab weekend! *Smiles*