I’m assuming you all know what “meme” is, right? If not, it’s some sort of cultural practice/behavior that is passed from one person to another. This is to my understanding. In any case, the goal is to get as many mothers from all over the world to share five things they love about being a mom. And here I am stating mine in no particular order and straight from the heart.

1. As cliche as it may sound, I love being a mother because it’s made me who I am today. I started quite early, “a young mom” (way before any of my friends), so I had to grow up, mature, and become even more responsible. All of a sudden, this immense energy and drive came over me. And the sky became my limit - determined to reach for the stars.
2. I love being a mom because it has brought me closer to God, and wanting to serve him by serving other people. I am a lot more prayerful and forgiving. More humble, mellow, and laid back. I don’t take life too seriously, nor do I take myself too seriously. It’s no longer about me. It’s about the kids. They have opened my eyes to the children of the world, and I have this sense of being “mother nature” or “mother Theresa” to all. In addition, to me, life makes more sense when you become a mother. Your perspective is different - in a positive light.
3. I love being a mother because it is the single reason I get up every morning. I live for them. I enjoy spending time with my kids, seeing them act goofy, scream out of their lungs, dance, laugh, and  doing what kids do best. Being free without a care in the world.
4. I love being a mom (believe it or not) because it has made me a lot smarter and wiser. I have to think faster on my feet. I mean, can you beat the ‘darndest’ questions? Or their takes on why things happen the way it does? I remember one time, Sidney, with excitement, told me he figured out why/how it rains. I had him explain and he goes, well, “the moon and the sun get into a fight, the sun wins and the moon starts to cry, so it’s the moon’s tears that pours on us.”
5. I love being a mom because it has taught me the true meaning of love. Unconditional love. And knowing that my kids love me unconditionally is just priceless. It’s the most fulfilling feeling in the world. And it doesn’t hurt that they make me love their father even more…*smiles*

And here is a bonus: I love being a mother because, finally, I can yell out to one of them (in the other room) to come and get me the remote, which by the way, was/is right next to me..lol.

Dolls, let’s keep the tradition going. Feel free to write yours and tag me. Leave a comment, tell my why you love being a mom.

Make it a fab weekend as always!

Dear Folake,

I just got back from Ethiopia a few days ago visiting several of the wells we built. This was by far one of the most impactful trips I have ever taken, and I wanted to share a story with you.

As our truck made it across the mountainous terrain towards the village of “Mai Gundi”, we heard a quiet rumble in the background. As we looked back, we were surprised to see what looked like 500 villagers stampeding down the hill towards us. Like something out of Braveheart. As they got closer we realized it was children of all ages who have been waiting for weeks for us to arrive.  Many of them with hand made signs that they were holding in the air as if they were cheering for their favorite sports team. But these signs were different. Some professing, “Water is Life” others saying “To educate a woman is to educate a society”. While another simply stated what was most important to him, “Water”. Over 100 men and women, along with these 500 children from the local school celebrated, danced, and played musical instruments as they led us down the mountain to the water well. It is tradition or the elders of the village to give a speech to and welcome their guests. I will never forget what one 75 year old woman said to us.

“For all my life, I have walked for hours every day bringing home water for my family. Most of the time this water was not clean. I have seen my children and grandchildren get sick and die because of bad water.  I have had to walk with a 40 lb clay jar on my back through rough terrain up and down mountains, which has caused my back to hunch over, but I had no other choice.”  We could tell the sincerity in her voice as she went on to say: “You have lifted the weight off of my back and you have given our children a future. I was not educated but now our kids have that chance.”

After her speech the translator told me that he had a hard time translating what she was saying and he couldn’t find the words to depict exactly how sincere and grateful she was. I promised to share her story with the people who helped give them water.

If you want to hear more updates and stay in touch with Generosity Water you can follow me on Twitter. @JordanDWagner and encourage your friends to do the same.

Please also help by joining our cause on Facebook by clicking the link below.

Generosity Water - Facebook Cause

It is so amazing that the people of Mai Gundi haven’t had clean water for their entire lives but for only $4000 and 4 weeks later these 500 people can celebrate life in a whole new way.

Thank you for your continued support of Generosity Water. Your help is truly changing lives all over the world.  This story would not be possible without you.

Best Regards,
Jordan

I am elated that he finally pleaded guilty to all charges against him - including murder. According to the daily mail, Elisabeth Fritzl made a shocking appearance in court to confront her father. “It is believed that Fritzl knew she was there watching him - and that it was the weight of his daughter’s eyes on him that finally caused him to crack. ”

Josef beat, degraded, raped, starved and humiliated his daughter and her kids all these years. What kind of a parent does that? A sick, disgusting psychopath, that’s who.

Incestuous relationships have always been. However, more and more victims are speaking up and defending themselves. I can’t imagine how strange this is for the victims…here you have a parent or family member, whom you love, sexually abusing you and you are confused…not knowing or accepting that this is wrong and it is not love.

It is common in India and Africa (mainly South Africa). In fact, it is common in most developing countries, where victims are powerless. They can’t talk about it or else they become an outcast. To make matters worse, in some of these countries, it is not considered to be a problem. How could it be a problem, if it supposedly doesn’t ever happen?

In the United States, some researchers estimate that one in four women were sexually abused as children. This number is alarming. To think that one in four women you see walking in the street has been sexually abused is quite sad.

How can this be eradicated? How can we possibly help those who have been through this? How can we prevent this moving forward? It certainly taints how most sexually abused children view life and view men, as it creates long-term effects that tend to show up during adult years. Victims can either sway in the direction of becoming sexually active, and prostituting or become bitter, hate men, experience difficulty dating or trusting men, low self-esteem, and sexual inadequacy (and/or all of the above).

Some certainly attempt or commit suicide.

We need to fight this for the sake of our kids. Both young girls and boys. We need to be their voice and do everything we can to make sure they never have to face this. We need to talk openly with our kids. Let them know that this does exists and for them to speak up when they do see signs. As parents, we need not wait till our kids come to us. We should constantly ask and not shy away from the “sex” conversation. Because unfortunately, our world has become a world in which everything sex rules.

It is sad to think that some kids may eventually see the abuser as the “good guy”, the one that cares. This is much more likely to happen when there is emotional neglect in the household; when the child is not getting well deserved attention from parents. S/he feels that the only person that cares is the abuser. This is why we have to pay more attention to our kids and their needs. In homes where there are 3 or more kids, it becomes easy to neglect.

Unfortunately, bad parenting, lack of sex education at home or in schools, and the notion that allows men to feel superior and powerful over women and children, are some of the factors that will allow incest and sexual abuse to continue to go unreported. Of course, the main reason is just plain clinical insanity.

PS - To read more on the Josef Fritzl story, click on the link below:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1162591/The-monster-finally-finds-conscience-Fritzl-changes-pleas-guilty-daughter-confronts-court.html

I know, I know, it’s not the same, but we are not in their world, so we can’t possibly tell how easy or hard this is for them.

I’m not sure how many weeks or months a hummingbird holds the eggs before they’re laid, and then how long the eggs take to hatch, but it seemed like we were “pregnant” at the same time and “delivered” at the same time. She became our little pet, and we were so fascinated by her. She was there every time we stepped out or came back in.

Unfortunately, she left right after her babies hatched and we didn’t see her again. We left the nest there - so that one day she might return - and she is back. Back to have another baby. How spiritual is that? We are going to have our babies at the same time again. The seasons are different, the time is different, but yet she is here.

This has a spiritual significance for us. Call us mushy or softies, but it feels like we are being protected by this beautiful creature, who we initially felt like we have to look out for. She is like part of the family now. And we already know that we’ll miss her when she is gone.

But I hope she knows that if/when she does return, she is on her own with the pregnancy. I’m done. Lol!

Happy Friday, lovely ones. Make it a fab weekend!

What makes it OK to have more than one wife? Religion? I guess that makes sin/sinning OK, since Adam & Eve ate the apple from the tree. NO! Polygamy, to me, seems like another way for men to be superior. To be controlling. In my opinion, polygamy is selfishness.

In most cases, having several wives under one roof rarely works out. It promotes hate, envy, bickering, and malice, amongst other things, while the husband sits back and have them settle their differences. The wives are forced to deal and live with it. How does this benefit the kids? Growing up in such a hostile environment?

I wonder if the women know going into the marriage that their husbands will end up seeking to marry more wives, or they find out after the fact. Regardless, it can’t be jolly news to the ears. I’m assuming that some women stick it out because they want to stay married, because the husband is their provider, because they are inlove, because of the kids, or due to the fact that they think they have no choice…perhaps because of religious or cultural beliefs.

It is a rather disturbing and provoking thought.

What makes a man seek for the comfort of another woman besides his wife? Doesn’t it become a chore to (sexually) satisfy all women? I feel like I could hear the male readers going, rhythmically, “Nooooooooo”. Did I just set myself up with that question?

Frankly ladies, can you imagine not going to bed with the man you love whenever you wish? Not having the choice to choose what night you want to cuddle and sleep with your husband? Better yet, dealing with listening to him and the other wife, as they get intimate in the room next to yours? WTF? I don’t care how religious or cultured you are. That can’t be pleasant or easy to deal with.

Now if the tables were turned, and women were allowed to marry more than one husband; how will this pan out? Personally, I think a man’s level of envy in terms of infidelity is far greater and stronger than a woman’s. Men are unforgiving when it comes to matter of the heart, while women are more tender-hearted and inclined to give second chances.

God bless these wives. Especially the first wives. I’m sure they feel cheated, intimidated, jealous, and misplaced. Or do they? Because I’m sure the more wives brought in, I’m guessing the younger they are. Which makes me wonder if amongst the wives, the first wife has the ultimate say in decision-making, has the upper hand, and over-sees the rest of the wives. Or is it the “baby” wife that rules?

In relation to modern day, modern women, would you allow your husband another wife? Even if your religion and culture permits. Would you stay in such relationship? If so, why?

Photo Credits:

“Say No To Polygamy” ABC News, http://www.abc.net.au
“Big Love pic” http://www.smh.com.au/…/2008/08/22/1219262513587.html
“African Pic” http://village.africanpath.com/

Besides, more often than not, most of these group pages are usually dormant. No recent activities, so why should I join if you are not going to get some worthy discussions going on? The ones I hate to turn down most are the health/humanity related ones. You know like Sickle Cell (actually the WeWe fan page is a member of the Sickle Cell foundation, so that doesn’t count); moving on…step up to cancer, juvenile diabetes, anything involving moms, AIDS in Africa, etc.

There’s got to be an alternative for this. Frankly, I’d like to support everyone. Everyone! What makes matters worse is that the WeWe Clothing Facebook profile is a business profile and not a personal one. Personally, “I” am not on Facebook, and yes, more than one person signs onto the account to update, respond, and move things around. Again, it’s a business. So what to do?

I have no solution for this. *blank stare* I was actually hoping you can help me. I don’t like joining any sort of group(s). Virtually or in-person i.e. Chocolates Anonymous, Red velvet cake Anonymous, Vintage shopping Anonymous, etc. Ok, so they are not related to the groups on FB, but you get the gist.

Is it that facebook is getting really annoying? Just a weekend thought. Nothing serious…

Why the search? My license had been expired for a month. Just one month!

I missed the deadline of being able to renew my license via postal mail. I like to say I never received the letter. So I had to deal with going to DMV. My biggest problem is not the endless line when you get there. My dilemma is the actual workers. They are so rude. When they are behind that God forsaken desk of theirs, they feel so empowered. So on top of the world. They specialize in giving you a hard time. Sometimes, asking you questions or documents you don’t need, just because.

In any case, the dread continued to mount, of course, as time passed. So it hit me and I decided to get online and make an appointment, instead of going there to stand in line for hours. I didn’t know what to expect. Not sure if I would have to take a written or driving test all over again.

I hate being tested!

They could’ve very well say I needed to be tested (and I won’t fault them). After all, I had recently totaled a car, though it wasn’t my fault. Had my pictures taken running a red light, got in another accident (I promise, it was not my fault this time too), I’d changed my address, and I was involved in a speeding chase with an officer that had been following for about 4 miles.

He had his siren on, was talking to me through his megaphone and I still didn’t pull over. You know why? My Indian music was on blast. Lol. The weather was nice, it’s freaking Los Angeles, I was feeling good, and I was speeding away. My God, it was like a scene from a movie. Better yet, an episode of “cops” where you have the helicopter shining its bright lights on your car? Yes, that.

Eventually, the officer got my attention and I pulled over, turned off my music and started crying before he approached my car. I was embarrassed!!! Everyone was staring at me. With my crying and trembling voice I said, “I’m not a bad a**, I swear.” The first thing he said was, “are you drunk? What the hell is wrong with you?” He said he had been following me and asking me to pull over. I apologized profusely. He gave me a ticket. The rest of the day, I had chills. Scared behind the wheel.

So, on our way to DMV, Greg was poking fun. He was like “what if you have to take a test?” I said I was just going to tell them that I have had a very difficult pregnancy, I have been sick and I’m not suited to take a test. Then I thought to myself, that’s even more reason why I should be tested or not be behind the wheel. Shoot! That’s not going to fly. I got there, I was the nicest I had ever been in my life, but none of the workers even cracked a smile. As a matter of fact, I had one tell me to stop chewing gum. Eh? Another told the gentleman behind me to turn off his phone. Where are we? The library? Urrghhh!

Since I made an appointment, my number was called in less than 20mins. I approached the lady and my heart was beating so fast, she could hear it. She sensed my fear. But immediately, I engaged her in a conversation. Started to talk about the recession, my pregnancy, anything. Anything to divert her attention from her computer, so she wouldn’t see that I had to take a test - just in case I had to. Whether or not it was my miraculous powers, I don’t care, but I like to believe that it worked and I DIDN’T have to take a TEST!

Greg stood and peeped his head from the crowd, anxiously trying to find out if I do or don’t. If he had to call his office to let them know he’d be spending the day at DMV because truly, I would have had to take that test over and over and over again to pass.

Good news! No test. Got a new license coming in the mail. Phew! Can’t believe I only spent 20 mins at the DMV. That’s a record. Due to my big belly, I rolled out of there so fast (instead of walking), didn’t want the worker to snap out of being hypnotized by my “powers” and say something like, “oh, ma’am, it says here that you have to take a written test.”

Whatever your definition is, I see a lot of these around, especially in Los Angeles. And they are often young, beautiful, ditsy, with fake boobs, 4″ heels, and in the arms of not-so-good looking men old enough to be their father or grandfather. Usually, these men are fresh out of a divorce. You constantly hear of stories of such men ending marriages of 20, 30 or 40 something years in search of the perfect accessory: a trophy wife. I like to call these kinds of men, “big poppa.”

I have to confess; I find this quite intriguing. Because in most cases, you can clearly see what the motives are. However, I still don’t understand how someone walks out of a marriage that they’ve nurtured and invested in for so many years, cite irreconcilable differences, then immediately dive right into the dating scene and fish for an arm candy; a lady about the age of their daughter (or younger), whom they probably started courting before their marriage ended, and in some cases, is the root of the divorce.

They get married.

All she clearly wants to do is spend their money, and well, I guess…she puts up with intimacy. An act she probably secretly dreads, but participates in because she knows deep down inside that this is a temporary situation (she’ll leave him for that hunk). Or maybe she’s nailing the pool man, lawn boy, handy man or UPS guy (new meaning to “going postal”).

How does this differ from prostitution? In a backward way, you are paying for sex or getting paid for sex. No?

I often see these men as an “establishment,” an “institution,” a “personal bank,” an “employer.” And the ladies? “Employees,” “business women,” an “investor.” I mean, they are getting paid to “be”. In the end, they cash-out big time.

Granted, people marry for a variety of reasons: love, status, convenience, professional, religious beliefs, economical,  arranged, or political so why should marrying a trophy wife for the reason of being a “trophy” be any different, eh? Well, at least make sure she is educated. Make sure when she accompanies you to an event, she can hold her own. Engage in any conversation and make sense while doing so.

I did some research for the definition of the term “trophy wife” or the history behind it and apparently, an article in a 1989 Fortune Magazine introduced the phrase. It described a trophy wife as a woman who is a “decade or two younger than her husband, sometimes several inches taller, beautiful, and very often accomplished.”

Well! Well!! Well!!! very often accomplished? Uhm, I don’t see that anymore.

To be quite frank, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. I mean, all you have to do is tune on to shows like “Housewives of Some County” and you’ll see what I mean. Or look around you. It’s becoming a trend.

With the state of our economy right now, you know these ladies are out there with full effect ready to prey, so are the married or newly divorced older men. Their choices are endless. They choose their trophy, get married, have a baby(ies), she files for a divorce, takes him to court for alimony and child support, marries a much younger guy than “big poppa” then they live happily ever after on “big poppa’s” money and she never has to work a day in her life.

It’s really sad to me that the first wives that have been with these men through hard and rough times, potentially aided them to be the success they are today, and possibly gave up their careers and goals to be stay home moms, end up being the loser at the tail end of the bargain. They are left with nothing (well, perhaps a nice settlement themselves…but they’re the ones who were most likely emotionally vested and committed to a lifelong relationship).

Emotionally, physically, mentally and materially; they are drained with the divorce.

It’s often a sad ending for them while the men enjoy what seems to be a happy and new beginning, at least for the time being…until they themselves get duped by the “trophy wife.”

What are your thoughts?

Credits:

Pic:
www.buycostumes.com

Fortune magazine definition:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/08/fashion/08JERI.html

I’m just going to shoot right to the point. Men, where do you draw the line? If there’s a line, that is. I mean, I think it’s cute for a man to be close to his mom. Personally, I think it translates into how he treats his lady and women in general. They tend to be more respectful and understanding.

However, being a little too close where she is constantly in her’s son’s business (and, I mean, relationships) is definitely detrimental. If you’re with a man in such a situation, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to impress this woman. The mother, that is. She hates you for no darn reason and you will never be good enough to date/marry her son.

Don’t get me wrong, I have respect for men that highly regard their mothers, but to compare your wife to your mother? That’s actually kinda disgusting. Women want to date a man’s man. You know, a strong man. Not one who runs off to his mama for relationship advice and sort. This kind of man cannot think for himself and all he cares or worries about his satisfying his mama’s dying wish. Well, may be not dying wish, but “wishes” in general. (I should be a little nicer.)

As a mother, I can’t imagine being too involved in my son’s life. Not only in relationships, but in every aspect. How does he gain independence, respect from his “boys”, and/or respect from women he dates? Any woman he dates automatically becomes #2. After mama. I think I can speak for all women when i say no woman ever wants to be #2 in a man’s life. Especially if they are sleeping and sharing the same bed. This sort of man has probably never done laundry, cooked, clean or wipe his a** for himself. So, guess who comes in take over mama’s duties (and you better do it right). You!

We can’t always put the blame on the “mama’s boy” in all instances, though. Sometimes, the moms are just too manipulative, they fake cries, make up stories and place their son in awkward situations in which the son can’t stand up for himself, to say “NO”, or always feels sorry and bad for them.

I don’t see how a mama’s boy could be a husband material, but I stand to be corrected. If you’re OK with your mother-in-law dictating how/when you get intimate, how to raise your kids, the manner in which you keep your home, what sort of meal you eat/cook, then you should have no problem here. God forbid you are experiencing fertility issues. Then, you are definitely not worthy of being a wife material, and she quickly finds him a better match or advice him to find a better suited woman. I consider this to be an abusive relationship. An emotional and mental one.

My take? If you don’t understand so far, I’m saying…relationships with mama’s boys don’t usually work out smooth. You will face a lot of challenges that may be never ending, which can result to the termination of a union. Mama’s boys are muppets that have been molded since the very day they were born, and you can’t possibly change that/him unless he wants to do so himself.

I’m a lucky one. My husband loves his mother, and I love, love his mother too. Couldn’t ask for a better mother-in-law. They have a sound and healthy relationship, which makes mine with her more lovely. In fact, I communicate with her more than Greg does. It’s such an effortless relationship…it fits.

But women get this more when it comes to child bearing, however, men have biological clocks too, and it’s ticking as I write. As a matter of fact, as men get older, they face an increased risk of fathering children with abnormalities.

In any case, the minute a woman is seen with a guy, they are asked “so when is the big day?” God forbid you are around your married friends - because they are married, they turn to you to ask you when you are getting hitched too, or try to give you this corny speech/advice about you settling down and why you should. Oh, and forget it if they have kids, then they either suggest that you are next, or ask (with pressure), “So are you guys having kids? When are are you having kids?”

I noticed that as we are getting older, and we hang out around people or friends in our age group, this sort of topic never fails to come up. Is it that people just automatically expect you to walk their walk and talk their talk?

Can we all start understanding that everyone’s path in life is different? And what works for you does not work for the next? Can we start to understand that relationships are not the easiest to come by, and while some may be lucky to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, others have to go through and survive terrible heartaches and relationships?

There are also married/unmarried ones who are in a committed union, but are experiencing child bearing difficulties and don’t necessarily want to discuss it because it is indeed a private matter. Or those that have decided that bringing a baby into this world is certainly not for them, which could either stem from past issues or the fact that they know darn well that they may suck at this thing called parenthood. I have mega respect for these people because I would rather you not bring a child into this world, than bring them in and have no care for them.

Truly, the fact is, these days, you can get pregnant up until the age of 50. Of course, it’s not always medically advisable, but it’s possible. Pay a visit to Los Angeles, and you’ll see beautiful moms just having kids at the age of 40 and over. After all, when it comes to fertility, it is the age of the egg, not the age of the woman that matters most. My point is, it’s not too late for those that long for it. Don’t pay attention to peer pressure or settle for a man just because. Take your time and find the right person who will love you and your kids.

And people, stop pressuring your dear friends or loved ones. Stop bringing it up at family gatherings, get-togethers, etc. just because you have nothing else to talk about, you envy their single status, their union without kids, you are miserable in your relationship, or you are trying to recruit someone else to join the bandwagon. It’s not cool, it scares your friends, and it could be embarrassing. If you are happy in your marriage and it works for you, great! Enjoy it! Concentrate on it.

Don’t ask me why I’m appointing myself as an advocate, but I am.

Friday is here again, so enjoy your short n fab weekend! *Smiles*

I wrote. While my husband and kids attended a non-profit event at his alumni, Johnston Center at The University of Redlands. Greg was one of the speakers. Yes, we were apart, but proudly for a good cause, and I’m glad the kids got to be a part of it too. Enjoy the read and videos below.

My blog today, is going to focus on our kids. Our kids, having kids. In particular, two different kids from different ends of the world. One in Britain and another in Uganda, Africa. Both the same age. 13 years old. A boy, and a girl.

Alfie Patten, 13, is a dad. The first time he had sex, he got his 15year old girlfriend,  Chantelle Steadman, pregnant. This boy really looks like a kid, by the way. He looks like he is 6. He and his girlfriend decided not to abort this baby because {Sic} “I thought it would be good to have a baby.”

Excuse me?

First off, I’m bothered that this kid is not outside playing football, hide and seek or video games. And having a baby because you think, oh yeah, it’d be alright to have one? Knowing fully well that he’ll have the support and assisstance of both parents (and his girlfriend’s), or the government would step in and help with diapers, food and monies?!? I mean, the parents are already living on benefits to begin with. This kid does not even understand the immensity of his situation.

In the article, Alfie does not refer to his child as his. He calls the child “it” and is totally clueless. He doesn’t know what to say or think. He is scared…as he should be. He had a choice. They both did. To not have sex - wait until much older, or to practice safe sex.

This really goes to show that we need to start talking to our kids about sex at a much younger age. Before they turn 10, with the rate they are growing and learning from their peers, the media, movies, etc.

Now, let’s travel miles to Uganda, East Africa. First off, have you heard of the documentary Invisible Children? If you haven’t, research it. Go to their website. It’s a must see. I have provided a link below. There are two parts to Invisible Children. The first one focuses on little boys, and the second, girls. The torture they endure as they are recruited (not by choice) as soldiers in rebel groups.

The story of Grace is of a young girl in Uganda, East Africa, who was kidnapped from her home and forced to be a soldier and act as a sex slave, at the tender age of 11…to a man 40 years older. A commander in the LRA, which stands for Lord’s Resistance Army. She was raped repeatedly for 3 years. Violently raped.

One fateful day, she summoned up the courage to escape. As she tried to, she was shot on the back and on the leg. Her leg was shattered, but she managed to get to a refugee camp. Upon arrival, she found out she was pregnant with the commander’s baby. At 5 months pregnant, Grace was desperately trying to starve the baby inside her. Possibly out of frustration, pain, and emotional damage. At the tender age of 13 and alone, how is she to know any better?

As if the situation wasn’t tough enough, her leg was getting worse. She couldn’t stand on it. Can you imagine carrying pregnancy weight with one leg? She had to undergo surgery. Man, watching the documentary, you see them work on her leg without anesthesia, something we are used to in the western world and sometimes take for granted. They screwed and un-screwed the pins and supports attached to her leg.

This was not all she had to endure. Her father was killed during the conflict/war. And her mother, who could have helped or provide support, got an infection in her feet that has left her unable to walk.

All this, and Grace is still grateful, so much so that she named her baby girl Opoyo Rwot (”Thank God”). She currently works as a bracelet maker for the Bracelet Campaign. Grace, a child, is now a mother. Not by choice, but by might.

To be clear, my intentions are not to bash Alfie, his parents, family or their choices. I am simply trying to compare the two worlds. What they have in common and not so much in common. A western world v. A third world country. The western world where you have choices, condoms, sex education classes, parents, teachers, mentors, and overall access to betterment. The third world where all these choices are lacking. You are barely surviving and your freedom is non existence. If Grace had access and advantage to all these privilege, do you think she’d take advantage of it? What are your thoughts on this? The state and future of our kids, our world?

I wish we can all stop for a second, and quit obsessing over ourselves. Instead, be grateful…grateful for this moment. Talk to your kids. Volunteer your time somewhere. Dare to make a difference. There are so many in need…but so many of us to help…please, do your part to help.

By the way, if you are in the Los Angeles area, a dear friend’s non-profit is throwing a huge film screening and after party for Invisible Children at Cinespace in Hollywood on February 20th. Click on this link to join the guest list.

REVEAL: A Multimedia Nightlife Experience
Friday February 20th, 2009 at 8:30 p.m. (Doors at 7:30 p.m.)
CineSpace, Hollywood, CA

Also, stop by the Invisible Children’s website and purchase a bracelet. Your money will go a long, long way and be put to good use. Every dollar counts. Continue to spread the word.

Credits:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece
http://store.invisiblechildren.com/review/product/list/id/82/

Remember that saying, “what you don’t know, won’t hurt you?” Well, in this case, what you don’t know kills you.

What do you know about breast cancer, or rather, what do you know to look for? I have always thought that I needed to be searching for a lump. Truth be told, every morning, I do a self exam just for my sanity and peace of mind. Granted, I am not at the supposed age where I need to start getting a yearly mammogram (that age being 40), however, I think the suggested age needs to be brought down significantly. Not only have I lost friends or strangers to breast cancer below the age of 40, in this chilling video, you will see a 16 year old, whose life was shortened by the silent killer, inflammatory breast cancer (IBC).

Warning: The video you are about to watch is graphic.

As you will hear and see from this very informative piece, inflammatory cancer gives no warning. A lot of physicians heard about this type of cancer in school, but never saw a case - neither are they familiar with the disease. From the time this video aired until now, a lot of information has been/is being provided, websites are updated and dedicated, brochures made, classes to educate formed, and more physicians are being enlightened. Prior to that, there was little or no information provided about IBC.

Readers, I urge you to send this to all the women in your life. Spread the word, pass this around. You can save many lives by doing this. IBC is the most aggressive form of breast cancer. No one really knows how to prevent or cure it, and most women have never heard about it until they become victims.

Here are the signs and symptoms to look for:

• Rapid change in the appearance of one breast, over the course of days or weeks
• Thickness, heaviness or visible enlargement of one breast
• Discoloration, giving the breast a red, purple, pink or bruised appearance
• Unusual warmth of the affected breast
• Dimpling or ridges on the skin of the affected breast, similar to an orange peel
• Itching
• Tenderness, pain or aching
• Enlarged lymph nodes under the arm, above the collarbone or below the collarbone
• Flattening or turning inward of the nipple
• Swollen or crusted skin on the nipple
• Change in color of the skin around the nipple (areola)

My favorite quote from the video, “nobody knows your own breast better than you.” Always remember that.

• Dad passed on early in a child’s life
• He could have been sent to war
• It could be a father that constantly travels or traveled for work
• Due to a broken marriage
• Deadbeat dads
• He could be a “sick” father (either medically or due to insanity)
• Father could be abusive (mentally, sexually, verbally or physically)
• He could suffer from addiction / substance abuse

How does this affect a child? I mean, it’s really important to have the presence of both parents in a home, but I think more so, fathers. Fathers are highly regarded by their kids. They are looked upon as heroes, as powerful, as breadwinners and that protective shield for the family. (Don’t get me wrong, same goes for Mothers and if anyone knows that, I do, but my concern today is the father.)

For the sons of a missing father, does it determine your drive and struggle? Do you strive to become better than your father and not repeat the same cycle? Does it hurt so bad that you have no care in the world and turn to a group or organization for brotherly or fatherly love? Do you fall to despair and into the wrong circle of friends and influence? Do you find your direction in uncles, brothers, or other male elders?

And for the daughters of a missing father, do you sometimes find yourself choosing men that posses your father’s traits? Do you gravitate towards abusive men because that’s all you know? Or do you vow to choose wisely…someone very different from your father? Do you hate men because of your father? What is the emotional damage?

After all, your childhood is your foundation.

Kudos to our fathers. The ones that decided to stick around and handle their responsibilities. Kudos to the strong, hardworking, heroic and loving father. Even those that didn’t have a choice but to be missing in their child’s life due to circumstances.

Dear fathers, Your role in your child’s life is crucial. Be the best that you can be, so that your child can be better than you, and his/her child will be better than him/her. Plant that seed today. Talk to your child. Love your child. Endlessly. Guide your child. Tell your child “I love you.” Let your child see you cry. Let your child see you smile. Let your child see you struggle. Missing fathers, it’s never too late to make amends.

Yes, you heard right. Salma lends her boobs to a hungry baby. During a recent trip to Sierra Leone, where Salma Hayek was fulfilling her charity duties, she visited a clinic and witnessed a woman “struggling to feed her baby, and she snapped into action.” According to Celebrity Baby Blog, Salma said, “The baby was perfectly healthy, but the mother didn’t have milk. He was very hungry. I was weaning Valentina, but I still had a lot of milk that I was pumping, so I breastfed the baby. You should have seen his eyes. When he felt the nourishment, he immediately stopped crying.”

I don’t know about you, but I am super impressed with this woman.  I believe that the connection and warmth a child gets from breastfeeding far exceeds what they get from pumped breast milk or formula in a bottle. Nothing against moms that struggle with breastfeeding because I know darn well that it is challenging. I am also aware that some kids just don’t latch on or like the taste, however, I can’t help but wonder how fulfilling this was for her - to breastfeed a hungry child without a care in the world. Especially not caring what the media’s take would be. “Should I save this baby’s life, or should I care about front page news?” This is exactly why I blog about the little ones. This is why I say it takes a village/community to raise a child. Perfect example! She selflessly offered her milk to a starving baby.

Do we all really understand the importance of breast milk? When I had my daughter, she had to stay in the hospital a few extra days. There were kids that were far worse than her in the NICU. Do you know what cured most of these kids or at least helped facilitate a speedy recovery? Breast milk. The Doctors advocated that every mother breastfeed their sick babies, and those that didn’t have BM got donations.

I thought about donating my milk to babies in Africa. I looked into the process, but it was far from easy. Also, you’d have to go through several stacks of paperwork, tests and screenings which I wasn’t totally prepared for (with a brand new baby and my own complications). In addition, the closest bank to me, that I was aware of was in Northern California. Still, it should not be an excuse. I just wish I knew sooner and could prepare for it. If I were in Salma’s shoes, I would have done the same…without a doubt. As a matter of fact, I found out about the process of donating breast milk at the hospital when I offered to breast feed/donate pumped milk to a baby in desperate need.

While on this issue, let’s not forget about the biological mother that actually allowed Salma to breastfeed her hungry child. Was she conflicted in anyway? Did she think twice about it? Kudos to her! I can’t imagine what I’d feel. You know the moment when the baby locks eyes with Salma while she is feeding him? It makes me wonder. All the mixed emotions for everyone involved.

How do you all feel about this? Would you have done the same if you were Salma? Or are you totally against beast-feeding or donating BM to someone else’s child? Consider the rate of dying babies and malnourished kids in Africa or possibly other parts of the world (my main focus is Africa, however). While you are thinking about this, keep in mind that a lot of babies contract HIV/AIDS from their moms through breast feeding in Africa. This is especially why they test and screen all donated BM thoroughly. Like other issues I have raised in the past, there are always pros and cons. Your thoughts, perspective and comments are all welcomed. Shoot..

PS - Please, sponsor a child. Let us all do our part. Together, we can make a change. There is no reason why a child should have to suffer.

“Imagine you are starving to death. Unable to walk because you’re so weak, you are crawling inch by inch towards a food camp a kilometer away. Behind you, a vulture is waiting for you to die so that it can feast on your flesh. How would you feel if it really happened?” I got this touching excerpt from Teejee on flickr. This statement says it all. it explains the picture above.

Credits:
Excerpts from http://www.celebrity-babies.com

Photo: Kevin Carter (courtesy of http://newsahead.blogspot.com)

Celebrity WeWe Pieces

Nicole Richie               Kimmy Dress in Sunflower / Sade Dress in Sand / Nikki Tunic in Lime

Lindsay Lohan             Molly Dress in Charcoal / Nikki Tunic in Skin

Ashlee Simpson          Kimmy Dress in Marine / Sade Dress in Forest

Eva Longoria               Molly Dress in Citrus

Tori Spelling                Molly Dress in Citrus / Toks Tunic in Bubblegum

Jessica Simpson         Sade Dress in Sand

Kate Hudson               Kimmy Dress in White Cloud

Jessica Alba                Molly Dress in Kiwi

Marcia Cross              Nikki Tunic in Lime / Toks in Sand

Audrina Patridge (The Hills)   Molly Dress in Charcoal

MEN

Gichi Gamba              Russell Tunic in Frosting

Dani Wooten              Russell Tunic in Moss

I may be missing others because the clothes are in stores. And like I said, WeWe Celeb kids are not included. Hope this helps!

Have a fab weekend!

This is besides the point, but I do hope that Zurhi and her sister get to enjoy themselves the way I do mine. You know what I do to my sister that I really love, when she is eating a nice meal, something she is so into and enjoying, I wait till her very last bite, grab it, throw it in my mouth and run. Lol. When I’m eating and she wants to have a bite, I spit in my food…knowing darn well that after that, it’s a wrap. She looses interest. She is truly my bff, mentor and mother. I love her!

In any case, she got Zurhi this real looking baby that looked exactly like Zurhi when she was born. This is Zurhi’s first baby and the idea is to prepare her for the baby on the way. You should have seen the night she opened this perfectly wrapped baby. The gift was so nicely wrapped, that Zurhi was just mesmerized by the wrapping paper itself. It took her a minute to get to the gift, and when she did, we were all dying laughing. With tears rolling down our eyes. I will consider uploading the video onto youtube one of these days. Just for laughs. OMG, she kept kissing the baby, giving it tight hugs, patting the baby’s back, kissing again, the excitement was priceless. I play it over and over in my head.

Well, she is still all about this baby. There are two things she carries with her always. Around the house or not. Her baby, who we named Shade, and her agua cup aka water cup. Yes, she speaks Spanish, and Yoruba too. I dare you to take one of those things from her! This baby has been a blessing because if you remember from previous posts, Zurhi does not like to take off her clothes when she gets in from school or an outing. I have to trick her into doing things and Shade always comes to the rescue. I take off her baby’s clothes first. I say..Zurhi see? Baby is taking off her clothes too. Or when she is not trying to eat, I pretend to feed her baby and say..good girl baby, then of course, she wants the same.

Sometimes however, she grabs Shade by the head, neck, or leg, and slams her on the floor. She is sweet with the baby, yet a bit reckless. She could be walking with the baby in hand and all of a sudden, she drops her on the floor. Lol. What a way to treat your baby, Zurhi. Is she going to handle her little sister like that? think she is a doll? That will be funny, but not so funny.

My point here is..how do you really prepare your kid for another sibling? Especially when they are the same sex and so close in age. Both under the age of 2. The doll has helped a lot and I’m hopeful that it will continue to help after the baby arrives. I know a lot of my readers are parents, aunties or uncles. What has helped you in the same situation?

Above is a picture of Zurhi, her baby, Shade and her sippy cup. Below that is the honorable big mamaaaa. My pretty sister:)

Sidney truly is a rock-star. Ever since he got “Guitar Hero” for Christmas he’s been walking around the house with the guitar slung over his shoulder. He’s really playing the role of the rockstar to a “T”. One of his many goals is to play in a band someday. He wants to take after his grandpa, Sonny Okosuns (RIP), and I hope and pray that he will. I say rock on! You have the spirit, my son.

My beautiful boy, I hope you enjoy your day today. I’m sure that you’ll have a blast. You have a bunch of surprises coming, and I can’t wait to hear all about everything.

Today is Sidney day! If you see him, wish him a happy, happy birthday! 11 years-old and counting….!!! So hard to believe that my lil’ boy is already 11! What a joy!

Here are a few more photos for good measure:

This was especially bothersome because a few of the women went as far as bleaching their kid’s skin as well. These folks, whom I pitied so much, claimed that light skinned women were more beautiful, got more attention and that they defined beauty in every sense of the word. To take this even further, one went as far as saying that in the black community and amongst black women, there’s a beauty stereotype. Light skinned women are favored by black men, and deemed prettier.

Say what??? I was shocked. These were African American women too. Frankly, this was a first for me. Call me naive or ignorant, but I thought only African women bleached their skin. Truly. This is not so. All blacks do - the ones that do bleach, that is. African Americans, Jamaicans, Africans, etc. I mean these women bleach so bad that while they get lighter, their skin begin to deform and turns green or even burns (it turns dark). I think this often happens when they can’t either keep up with the cost of bleaching creams or they have gone way too far with it. There are some that bleach, but forget to get their knuckles/fingers, so you can pretty much tell that they are not naturally light, while some bleach just the face and from their neck down, they are dark as hell, and you are like..uhm..seriously??? Whether you get it professionally done or on your own, bleaching your skin signifies a serious problem within.

And just so you know, men are not excluded from this as you can see from the picture above. Yes, those are all men (Jamaicans), and I read that this is pretty common in Jamaica. As a matter of fact, more men are bleaching these days than women. The same goes for Senegal, Sierra Leone and Nigeria.

What sort of insecurities can you be possibly going through in your life to make you want to bleach your skin? Are we going to date this back to colonialism? We can certainly argue that fact, but are we going to go there and play victim?

So, ok, you are an adult, you bleach your skin and you claim it’s your prerogative. Obviously, you are not happy with who you are, you have a low self-esteem or perhaps don’t see yourself as beautiful. But to bleach your kid’s skin too? Are you serious? What sort of message are your sending to them? Why are you making them self-conscious as if it isn’t hard enough as it is to be a kid of color in America?

And do you understand the hazards?

It is rough enough for kids in school because they get teased by the most mundane things, but should consciousness come from home? Or shouldn’t home be where they turn to for comfort. Knowing that beauty comes in all colors and all forms, etc.

What is the representation of white/black/light skinned beauty? What happened to being proud of your skin color? I love my skin. I get tons of compliments for being this dark, I especially like getting darker over the summer, because I get shinny.

Should we blame society for this? Is society placing light-skinned black women on a pedestal and terming that as beauty? Are these folks victims or they really need to start taking responsibility for their actions and stop pointing fingers? I thought we had progressed from this and the media has somewhat embraced black beauty; have we not? Of course, it’s not completely equal yet and certainly not where we’d like it to be, but we are not helping the situation by changing our skin tone.

I am really concerned about the kids too. I’m concerned about the messages that we are sending to these kids.

Be black/dark and proud. Love your skin gracefully. We are responsible for and representing a younger generation. If you are in the beauty, image or modeling industry and it’s tough for you to get ahead because of the color of your skin, may be it’s time to raise awareness and break the cycle instead of feeding into the stereotype. Don’t become a victim of nonsense. Let’s accept and represent all forms of beauty.

IMPORTANT TO NOTE: Skin bleaching industry is a 1 billion dollar industry. I heard that some of these creams have mercury and arsenic in them. Not only does bleaching lead to skin cancer, facial hair, acne and sorts, it can potentially lead to death.

Please send this to your friends and spread the word. Also, click on the following link for stats and more information on this issue (Thanks, Solomon) http://www.nigeriancuriosity.com/2007/02/complexion-complex.html

Credits:

First pic: Essential bloom Reference: Jamaica Gleaner News

Second pic: Found the pic through research and can’t find the site any longer. Would love to credit the site and photog. Readers, please feel free to send me msgs if you find the source.

Got an invitation to a party today. It’s deemed to be a swanky birthday party, and as I continued to read the invitation, at the bottom it read in capital letters: NO PRESENTS PLEASE!

That took me aback. Why wouldn’t you want a gift on your birthday? I have never heard of that before. It made me think hard. I mean, I know sometimes we tell our family & friends to not bother buying us a gift, knowing fully well that they will. But this is on a different plane. This person must be really content, full of life and just plain thankful for seeing yet another year, that they don’t want to be gifted on such a special day.

Or the person is just so stinking rich that he/she can afford, and have any gift you can possibly think of. Hmm..well, may be the recession? Surely thoughtful, if that’s the case. Frankly, I don’t know.

It could also be that the person didn’t want to deal with little gifts here and there that don’t add up, or that they won’t have use for - which goes back to one of my previous posts: To Re-gift or Toss Out?

Call me crazy, but I’m curious. How humbling…to turn down gifts. “You are invited to my wonderful lush party. Open bar, 3-course dinner, deserts, bring your friends. NO GIFTS PLEASE!” Lol!

Seriously, how many of you will do or have done this? Be honest too. Do you have any idea why this person may be rejecting gifts?

It’s friday! Have a fab weekend, loves!

So here it is, Zurhi better start getting used to sharing because it’s another daddy’s little girl! Gotta love the men in my household. Greg sure does know how to spoil his girls. And I’m excited that there is one more for him to do so with. I enjoy watching him with Zurhi. She has him wrapped around her pinky. From changing the poopie diapers, to giving her a bath at night, cooking dinner and cuddling one another to sleep. With another girl in the mix, I hope we don’t have to fight for Greg’s attention. Because I’m not giving up my spot (smile).

Sidney wanted a boy too, but after I rationalized with him saying, “Dude, think of it this way, you’ve got these kids by 10, 11 years. You’ll be off to college in 7yrs. Wouldn’t you want Zurhi to have another girl that can be her best-friend, share things with, do things together, talk about clothes and girly things?” It was a surreal moment. He said, “Yes, wow, I never thought of it that way. I’m so glad it’s a girl.” Phew! That settles that.

With the feel of things, I think this one is going to be a tomboy too. Just like big sis. I prayed for a girl, so I’m glad I got my wish. Sidney and his best friend, Harry, have already started plotting how they are going to be fighting boys off their little sisters. How protective they will be. Sidney is so protective, he doesn’t like Zurhi showing skin. She had on a halter top the other day and Sidney was like, “Mom, you are going to let her go out to school like that? Sorry but she can’t.” On another occasion a little boy..about Zurhi’s age walked up to her, hugged and kissed her. Sidney flipped and picked her up immediately. “She is too young to be kissing a boy,” he said. “That’s disgusting.”

It’s pretty hilarious to watch. At the same token, he is so attentive to her needs. He watches her moves. Makes sure she doesn’t put the wrong thing in her mouth, or hurt herself. He feeds her, puts her to sleep, wipes her nose, showers her with kisses. He is a third parent. I’m such a proud wife and mother.

Man, this next little one is going to get so spoiled by the men in the house. I better stop writing. I may start to cry.